Got a long passage for you today. I could split it up, but I want to move this along. So at the risk of losing my few readers with attention spans of only 10 minutes, this will take you a little longer to get through.
We left off last week with Qin Qin and Clete chatting and working while an incessant rain had begun. The storm system has lingered and it has gained strength to become a tropical storm on its way to being a typhoon. So, you need to imagine lots of of the noise of wind and rain during the remembered conversation mentioned in this passage.
The context of today's passage is only hinted at, but you will learn that there has been a passage of time and like all of the other chapters, this one is retrospective, but recorded in greater retrospect, with all the implications that their banter seem to point at. You'll get the idea
... as the story continues ...
[Transcription of audio recording of discussion moderated by
the reporter.]
QIN QIN: Recording
begins now. Today’s date is August 31, 2013. This is an oral account of the
events of one year ago, Friday, August 31, 2012, by the Second Princesses of
Dog Island.
FEI: Before we start,
what is the point of doing this now?
QQ: Well. Let me say
first. I’m glad you all showed up. I thank you for that. I have an answer, I
think you’ll all know what I would say. Maybe somebody other than me should say
something.
XIAO MEI: We were given a job to do—all of us. He said, “You
have three jobs that I am going to give you, nothing else matters now. They are
contingent on each other. Stay alive for an hour. After that, stay alive for 24
hours. After that, stay alive for a year. Can you do that for me?” Does anybody
disagree with me on that?
BA: I remember that Yi had a followup question.
YI: SHUT UP. You don’t have say anything about that.
BA: She asked if the 24 hours started when the first 2 hours
ended, making it 26 hours later or should we count the first 2 hours as being
part of the 24.
YI: Well, the way he stated the question was unclear. I was
just making sure I knew what he really meant.
JIE: I thought it was valid. And then he patiently responded
something like, “Eve, we don’t have a lot of time to discuss this, and since
we’re under some pressure here I may have not come up with the best styling.
But let’s take a moment to unpack it. How would you phrase it to be
unambiguous?” And then you responded, “If you meant 26 hours …
WEN: OH GODS! We are going to be here ALL WEEKEND! I hope
you catered in some food.
QQ: Fei? Does that
answer your question?
FEI: Fine. FINE. THIS is the one-year wrap-up. I GET it.
Let’s move on. Shall we?
QQ: I thought it would be best to start if Ling would just
describe everything that happened at her house, and maybe what happened leading
up to that, and everybody else can add in their thoughts if something comes to
mind.
LING: It had heavily rained all day on the day before and
into the night. After midnight, the winds began to pick up. The four weather
stations that Dr. Wong set up turned out to be quite helpful which transmitted
data about winds speed, rain levels, temperature, air pressure, all of that,
without our having to be there to observe. He just watched them all night so
that Mother could rest that night. Reports were coming in that a major tropical
storm was moving toward us and that was just the leading edge.
I remember that as soon as day broke, all of us here were
given the job to get all of the animals to the high point in The Grove. I just
remember that that took hours to do in the high winds and heavy rain, and to
let them all loose there.
FEI: Yeah, Mother said that that was always the best thing
to do. That they know how to find the safest place for themselves in a storm,
better than we do. But you want to know something strange? I didn’t remember it
until just now. Every other animal started to coming to our house that night.
WEN: You mean more than the civets and pangolins and the
soul birds that live there?
FEI: All the wild ones. And I mean EVERYTHING. The sloths,
the lorises, the monkeys, the bats, every bug, every bird, ants, termites,
spiders, flies, bees, hoppers, beetles, snakes, lizards, frogs. And when the
ran out of room, they just started stacking up on one another, all quietly
standing or sitting there.
JIE: And they didn’t eat each other?
FEI: Remember? My house? Hall of Justice? Karma-free zone?
It got so crowded, Mother and I could not move. And it was spooky because as we
stood outside in the yard, we were getting drenched by the rain, but they were
all perfectly dry. Mother said it was clear we had been cursed and that any
protection that we enjoyed there had been rescinded, probably by the Sea Witch,
and that we should probably leave. That was when we set out for The Shrine.
LING: What time did that start to happen?
FEI: After the 9 p.m. curfew.
LING: I think I have an explanation. We had our supper late,
around 7 p.m. Mother had deputized Dr. Wong as a water element warden and she
had him down on South Island monitoring your pumps, you might recall? Well, the
weather eased up a bit and she called him back to supper for the night.
Dinner was nothing special, just several bowls of brown
rice. Oh that rice was so good that night. After he too a few mouthfuls, he put
some up on his shoulder for his centipede to eat.
JIE: Scarlet! He called her Scarlet because she was red.
LING: The very one. Ma was totally disgusted and repulsed
that he would have such a pet.
“Why you keep such a thing
on your body? Very poisonous. Very dangerous.”
“She’s OK. Haven’t had a
problem yet.”
“She might make a mistake.
Forget it is you for a minute.”
“It all evens out. I find
that when she’s riding on me, no other bug comes near me. I haven’t had a bug
bite since she started hanging out on me. I think she eats anything that lands
on me. I almost believe she is sentient sometimes.”
“It’s a filthy thing.”
“I’ll give her a bath if you
really want. You get all the livestock secured Ling?”
‘Yes. Very easy, just time consuming. All our animals obey.”
“Too bad we don’t have a
safe zone for the wild critters. The civets and soul birds don’t have handlers.
If I were in charge and boss of this place, I’d declare it a refuge as deep as
the core of the earth and up to the stratosphere and I’d tell them all to head
to the Hall of Justice and hunker down til this blows over. What do you think
Miss 100-Feet?”
And as soon as he says that, the centipede dropped down to
the floor and scurried out as if she had just gotten an assignment. He said
something like “Be safe! Tell all your friends!” And then he laughed and went
back to eating his rice. But the odd thing in addition to that is shortly after
the house felt very still, and empty, and dead.
FEI: LING! Why didn’t you ever tell me that before?
LING: I never really remembered. It was such a busy night.
But why didn’t you tell me about what happened at your house?
QQ: We heard it now. Ling, go ahead and relate everything
that happened.
LING: The wind seemed to lighten up, so Mother told Dr. Wong
to do another round to the south and then retire unless things got worse. So
went back down, took level readings, and inspected the pumps and the high path
to the south was still very walkable. As he came back the winds picked back up
and he noticed part of the roof on his cottage had blown off and the rest was
ready to come off if things got worse. He said he had tried to pack everything
that should not get wet in watertight casings, basically his electronic
equipment, and then he came knocking on our door. Mother went to see him.
“Can I come in? The roof is
coming off the cottage, it’s not safe.”
“It’s past curfew. You know
the law. You cannot be here overnight.”
“This is an emergency, isn’t
it? Law be damned.”
“No.”
“What? You’re not letting me
in? I can’t believe this. How inhumane is that?”
“You have other choices. You
can go to Bathhouse number one, climb in the tub, it has an iron core. There is
an old soldier’s helmet there you can wear to protect your head. You can ride
it out there. Or you can take refuge in The Shrine.”
“After all we have been
through together? This is how you treat me?”
“I take our laws and
traditions very seriously. How can I not? Otherwise, why am I even here?”
“Can I just sit here on your
porch then?”
“In driving rain? That is
foolish. If that makes you happy, do it. But it is not safe. Go take shelter
like I said.”
“I want to be here next to
you if you need me. Is that a crime?”
“Why?”
“I want you to be safe. OK?
You’re important to me.” And he just sat down and huddled on the porch.
Mother shifted into Cantonese and bawled him out. He just
continued to sit. And then Mother sat down next to him.
“Get in the house!” he said.
“You might get hit by flying debris. It’s dark out. You won’t see it coming.”
“Don’t you tell me what to
do. I do what I want. I have been taking care of myself for over 30 years. I
don’t need you.”
“Well of course you don’t.
But isn’t it nice to have help? If you think it’s so dangerous out here, why
are you sitting down here?”
“Someone needs to protect an
idiot like yourself who doesn’t know enough to take shelter. I am your assigned
liaison, so I am still responsible for you.”
“I hereby relieve you of
that authority.”
“You have no authority to
end my authority. You want to stay here? Fine! Stay her. Ling and I will go
stay with Ting Ting and Jie. It all works out.”
“I think you are BOTH being
very stubborn, AND very silly,” I yelled out. They turned and looked at me.
“Ling,” Dr. Wong said, “you
are absolutely right. There is only one way to solve this problem the way I
want. Come stand over here by us. You need to hear this and take part.”
So I went over by them. Rain was hitting us sideways. He turned to
Mother.
“Lee, I demand to speak to
your honorable father.”
“What are you talking about?
Fool! I told you my parents were dead.”
At first I thought he was speaking some nonsense, and then I
realized what he was starting to do.
“MOTHER! Listen to him.”
“Lee, from my study your culture, I don’t understand that to be one of
the standard responses.”
Mother’s eyes opened up very wide for just a minute, but she
picked up the rhythm exactly.
“I regret to advise you that
my honorable father is deceased.”
“I demand to speak to your
honorable brother.”
“He is also deceased.”
“I demand to speak to your
honorable mother.”
“I regret to say she is also
deceased.”
“I am sorry to hear that and
I offer my respect to memory of the dead. I then demand to speak to your next
of kin who may speak on behalf of Lee, a maiden of your household on the prospect
of marriage.”
“I am she!” I think I
croaked it out. “But please wait, I need to get to the walkie talkie for just a
minute.”
“You will do nothing of the
kind,” said Dr. Wong who rose and grabbed my wrist. “I know what you girls are
up to, and this has nothing to do with any legends or royalty, and in fact,
it’s better if it doesn’t at all. It is between your mother and me, a mere man
and a mere woman.”
“Mother?”
She was deadpan and showed no emotion, looking entirely
business.
“Ling. You may proceed on my
behalf, on his terms. It is now proper to invite him inside and begin your
negotiation. And get us all some towels.”
And so Dr. Wong laid out his offer to me. I don’t think I
need to bore you with the details.
QQ: NO! Leave nothing out.
LING: Very well. He proposed marriage. He laid these terms,
that he would adopt me as his legal daughter, that he would provide for my
college and professional education, that we would live as a family in the city
where I would go to school, presumably Los Angeles, that after I completed
school, Mother would then select where they would live and settle, and that he
would groom me to eventually take over his business interests when he retired.
And he swore that he would pledge his loyalty to Mother for the rest of his
life.
“Tell me why you want to
marry me,” Mother asked.
“I don’t want to live the
rest of my life alone. I’ve determined that I would like to be with you.”
“I am not a warm and
affectionate person if that is what you are hoping for. That will not change.”
“I know exactly what you are
like. It’s what I want.”
“What about love? How about
that?”
“What about it?”
“Is that an important thing
to you?”
“Not really. It’s a not a
factor.”
“Why not?”
“Love comes and goes. It’s
fickle. It’s nice if you have it. But you can’t count on it. I want my spouse to be a consistent, dependable person.”
“Good answer. My thinking
exactly.”
“Mother! How cold!”
“Is there debate between you
two? Should I leave while you discuss it?” asked the Professor.
“No argument between us. We
go on,” said Mother. “You talked to Mu. You know I am promised to another. We
all are.”
“Yeah, and every avatar in
every generation has broken that promise and where has it gotten you? It’s time
to end it Lee. The only reason that whole project continued is because you
jumped off the boat 30 years ago. If you call it done, it’s over for everyone.
And that’s a good thing for Ling. Do you want her here fixing the drinking
water system until she’s an old woman and dies here alone by herself? Stop
waiting for a nonexistent prince.”
“I have NOT been waiting for
that BASTARD of a Prince!”
“MOTHER!” I yelled.
“Good,” said the Professor.
“Glad to hear it from one of you, cuz that dude is never coming. If that's how you really feel about the prophecy, what ARE you
waiting for?”
“I am waiting to put my
people at rest. The Lost 47.”
“So Mu tells me. Has a
single one of them washed up since you returned that day?”
“No.”
“Then I would say it’s not
your task to do that.”
“Who are you to tell me
that?”
“I’m just a man who has put
fresh eyes on the sitch. I have nothing to gain either way.”
“You want me to go away with
you.”
“That’s true. But only if
you want to go with me. Doesn’t that mean something to you? That the sea has NOT
given you a single one of them?”
Mother is not one to cry very easily. In fact, I had never
seen her cry until that moment.
“Oh CLETE!” Mother was crying
now. “Why do YOU have to be the one to tell me? It is so cruel for you to say it.”
“It's probably easier coming from me. I find I prefer bad news
coming from someone I don’t like. It was a noble sentiment what you did. I nearly cried when
Mu told me about it. But it’s done.”
“And so I have wasted my life,
and my cousins' too. And YOU are asking to marry me?”
“Doesn’t make any sense does
it? And yet, I want you.”
“You have been a confusing
man from the start. It cannot be just me you want from this plan. What else are
you after?”
“Yeah you’re right. I’m
acting out classic displacement behavior. I never got to raise a family and
send kids to college. If I marry you, I get to send Ling. It’s like getting a
ready-made family. And it looks like I
can send Nu too since she seems to have adopted me. I figure if you leave the
Island with me, the social structures holding their resolve against progress
will start to fail, and maybe, just maybe, they’ll let their new in-law, me,
get the rest of the girls educated.”
“So you are marrying me to
recruit for your college and educate the Second Princesses?”
“That’s a part of it. They’ll
all be done with school in about eight years. We will still be together after
that. Is that a bad thing?”
“No.”
“Another reason why. It
might look like Feng and Mu are in charge, but if you do something, something really
important, everyone else follows. You’re the real leader.”
“Ling! What do you think
about all this?”
“Dr. Wong? This might be a good time to let you know. Some of the
Second Princesses are convinced that you … might actually be … the Great
Prince.”
“Ling. Think about that.
THAT is so ludicrous. If someone like your Ma here has been waiting 500 years
for Prince Charming and then I show up. Isn’t that as depressing and
disappointing as hell?”
“Oh you’re not so bad,” I
said.
“On that topic. If your
mother says yes, I’m adopting you. Is that okay with you?”
“I think that would be fine.
You haven’t been half bad as a pretend father these last few weeks. Will you
keep telling bad jokes?”
“Endlessly. You’re probably
going to have to share a bedroom with Nu. Since I’ve been ‘adopted’ by her she’s
gonna insist on coming along. Qin Qin too probably. I offered her a job as my
intern.”
“We’ll manage. But
Professor? About bedrooms? In our culture, I know you can’t tell right now,
women and men normally sleep apart.”
“But your Aunt Qi …”
“Qi is not normal,” Mother
butted in, “AND you were in jail … very ANTI-normal!”
“I think you mean AB-normal.”
“DO NOT correct me! Put that
in the contract. I talk the way I talk. If you marry me, YOU learn how I say
things.”
“Fine. But let’s also put in
the contract American sleeping arrangements. I want my wife next to me every
night.”
“So much time together!
That’s too much! We will hate each other.”
“We don’t already? Can’t be
worse than it is now. But as to time, it might be less than you think. People
our age drop dead regularly. We’re getting a late start.”
“OK. I will let you have that.
How about sex?”
“I’m highly in favor of it.”
“IDIOT! I am serious. How
often?”
“I was thinking about that. Howzabout
twice a day? Is that enough? Subject to moods, illness, or change of mind of course.
You’re making a face at me. Not enough? How often do you want it?”
“I’m just thinking when?”
“Right before bedtime is
one. That’s a no-brainer.”
“The other depends on when
we do our jobs. It’s possible. We work it out. But two conditions.”
“What?”
“No dirty dishes around. And
house must always be clean first. Spotless.”
“So should I take over
housekeeping then?”
“No. It must be MY standard
of clean. I will train you.”
“Sounds like a deal to me.
Agreed. Next point.”
QQ: Did he REALLY say two times a DAY?
LING: Yes.
JIE: Wah! That seems like a lot. Is it?
LING: I have no idea. But she did not flinch.
WEN: Is frequency of sex really part of the marriage agreement?
LING: You think it should be. For them it was. I thought it
was charming to hear them talk about it.
YI: How often did your mom say she wanted it?
LING: She never did. But it was apparently OK with her
because they kept on going. Do you REALLY want to hear ALL of their negotiated
points? It got pretty tedious.
JIE: What about his cussing? Did she make him promise to
give it up?
LING: No. She figured it was too hard to change him.
[Manchurian] “Ling. His
terms are agreeable to me. You may accept on my behalf.”
“Dr. Wong, we are in
agreement,” I said.
“OH! Another thing,” added
Mother, “all of the First Princesses must approve of this marriage,” said
mother. “The chances are very small of that happening. We are pledged to one
another all to await the coming of the Prince of Southern China. Mu and Lian I
know for certain will oppose. How will you overcome that?”
“When Qin Qin was uploading
your laws the other day, I was reviewing the docs as a double check and I
noticed a provision you have for emergency marriage. It seems that in a time of
societal duress, the couple and one witness just have to make it to The Shrine
and repeat prayers and vows to the Earth Deity and all they have to do is
consummate it and it cannot be undone. We are in the middle of a typhoon. I
think that qualifies us. We’ll just go over now, say our prayers, come back, do
the marital deed, and Ling can bring your judicial officers Feng and Qi to
inspect us in the morning and declare it done. I think that will work.”
“I have never heard of this
provision or seen it invoked,” said Mother, “but if we do it, we should do it
now. Let’s go.”
“N…n…ow?” I asked. “There’s
a typhoon blowing!”
“Emergency may be over tomorrow,” said
Mother. “Oh, but before we do, bride price and dowry negotiations must be had.”
“As a princess of the royal
house, Lee’s dowry is her 1/18 share of the Dog Island National
Trust assets, which as her husband you have the right and the responsibility to
manage and ...”
“I hereby decline any such interest,”
said Dr. Wong.
“WHAT? Really? But that’s …
“THAT is what Dog Island’s stranger
paranoia is about, isn’t it? Fear that some interloper is going to swindle you
out of your patrimony? Therefore, I’m taking it off the table entirely. I waive
that requirement. Lee keeps that as her separate property. Let the record show
that I am not asking to marry a member of the royal family, I’m just asking to
marry Lee.”
“But if that is case, you
don’t get anything. She owns nothing by herself.”
“That’s fine.”
“But what bride price are
you offering?”
“What is customary?”
I had no idea. I looked at Mother.
[Manchurian] ‘How much?”
“If I do not bring a dowry, then he owes
no bride price.”
“Ling, it’s not that I
devalue what she can bring to the marriage. The Island cannot spare the loss of
control of her assets. OK? I get that. I don’t have such a problem. I want to
pay what is fair and customary.”
“I don’t know what price to say! We have not had a marriage negotiated on this
Island in decades! Ling just say $500 U.S. to say something.”
“$500 U.S.” I announced.
“That’s it? Five hundred
bucks?”
“Is that too much?”
“Ling, I’ve bought business
suits that cost more than that. It’s an insult to your mother. Raise it.”
“$550 U.S.?”
“Do you mind if I make a
phone call and get advice?”
“Can you even get a phone
connection in this storm?”
“It’s been working.”
So he called his advisor, a man named Carlton.
“Carlton, I need to spend
some money. I’m getting married.”
“Clete! Congratulations are
in order. Who’s the …”
“Carl, don’t have time to
chat. Bad storm here, the line can drop at any time.”
“How much?”
“Need some help there. How
much is a traditional bride price for a Chinese woman?”
“You’re buying a Chinese
wife? What level of barbarity are you sinking to now? Is this to seal some
tawdry Third-World mining deal with some backwoods chieftain somewhere? Does
she come complete with a bone in her nose? Really Clete. What with all your
high and mighty talk about being a beleaguered American minority …”
“I didn’t call you for a
lecture. By the way, you’re on speaker and she’s here next to me. AND she
speaks English.”
“Clete,” asked my mother,
“is there something wrong with bone jewelry to him? My grandmother would make beautiful
adornments from bone and shells which are like the bones of crawling sea
animals.”
“Carlton. That Jag you bought for your wife
you were bragging about. Any ivory-colored highlights in the leather and wood
interior?”
“Yes. Lots. Sets off the
dark browns. What’s your point?”
“Think about it. As well as her pearl jewelry. Anyway, back to biz. I need your advice Mr. Cosmopolitan Man-of-the-World! I know nothing
about bride prices.”
“The Chinese don’t do that
anymore. They’re Communists. You have to go to someplace like Taiwan or
Singapore to figure that out. I’ll find out. But it’ll take me some time.”
“She’s a goddamned overseas
Chinese like me. Pacific Island Chinese. I don’t have time for research. What’s
your gut?”
“I figure most middle-class Chinese
diaspora would probably think US$10,000 as a in-law present would be nicely
extravagant, but that kind of gift is probably more symbolic than anything .
The equivalent of a nice weekend vacation trip, $1,000 U.S., is probably
sufficient.”
“Hmmm, $1,000. That reminds
me. I seem to recall someone in my family saying there a proverb in Chinese
that a daughter is worth 1,000 pieces of gold.”
“I’ve heard it too. But
you’ve only got one half of that saying. The rest goes that a son is worth 10,000.”
“What? Really? Fuck that
sexist chink bullshit. How much is a proverbial ‘piece of gold’ you figger?”
“I have no idea.”
“What’s the current trading
unit for gold?”
“Troy ounce.”
“What’s the market price for
gold today?”
“Now THAT I can tell you.
Since it’s Chinese we’re talking about, they ONLY think in 24K not 18K. Melt
price … about $1,770. Multiply by a factor of 10,000 and you’re at $17.7
million.”
Doctor Wong made a loud long whistling noise.
“I don’t know about you,
Clete, but the price of $1.7 million, though sexist, is looking like a nice bargain.”
“Can I afford it?”
“Yes, you can easily cover
$1.7 mil out of your liquidity. But is any woman worth that?”
“I mean the $17.7 mil.”
“It’s your nickel. Want me
to calculate how many nickels that would be? Clete. Can I get you to marry me
instead? I’ll get surgery so I can look good in a sarong for you. I’ll only
charge you $15 million.”
“Very funny. Shut the fuck
up. Hey Ling! Is $17.7 million OK with your mother?”
[Manchurian] “Mother? Is that a lot?”
“Cannot be that much since he is just a
teacher. Dollars must be like rupiah, yen, or rial. Always high numbers.
Whatever he says is fine.”
“Mother approves. We are
agreed.”
“Carl? Proceed.”
“Your personal account has
been unusually active the past few weeks. What’s going on with you? This is a
lot of money for you, for something that is NOT a investment transaction. Are
you under any kind of duress?”
“Carlton. This is probably
the most significant expenditure I will make in my life. I want it to be
meaningful to her.”
“We should make it from one
of your foreign accounts otherwise your tax collector will get a wedding
present too. How about a full-value contract for delivery of product instead?
Or a share of partnership?”
“I think husbands and wives
can give each other as much as they want.”
“If they’re both U.S.
citizens. But if you have spending authority on wherever this goes, it’s just a
bookkeeping entry. Let Irv figure it out for you. Or better yet, you need to call in your
favors at the U.S. State Department. But yeah, you can do it. You can do it a
few times over.”
“Get Jose on the line so we
can do the transfer. This will need a voiceprint verification.”
“Jose will be in bed in his
time zone.”
“He will wake up to earn
this commission. He’s a greedy bastard so he’ll wake up. And he needs to be on
standby for the next 12 hours, as do you.”
“I started my clock when I
picked up the phone.”
FEI: Do we REALLY need to hear every detail about the
Professor’s phone calls with his bankers that night? That is so boring.
LING: But that’s the story of how he arrived at the Bride
Price.
QQ: Fine. We have that now. You can skip.
LING: When that was settled, I said I needed to get my hat
before we went. I managed to leave the room and give you the three-blip signal
before we left for the Shrine. You probably need to take over as to what
happened next.
© Copyright 2012 by Vincent Way, all rights reserved.