With my mention of the seals, I noticed we were totally surrounded by the creatures on the beach. They had amassed thickly and silently. Their eyes all seemed to be glued on me.
“Speaking of staring,” I said “I feel like I am being watched.”
“They’re suspicious.”
“Of what?”
“Of you, silly.”
“Why?”
“Mating pairs should be a little more ‘cuddly’ than we are acting. Let’s lie down and entwine for awhile and satisfy them. They’ll leave us alone after that.”
“Is that really necessary? You said your daughter is probably watching us. I don’t want to give her wrong ideas.”
“If you don’t want to get gnawed to death, comply. I don’t want to have to explain that to your sponsoring charity.”
“NOW you activate your moral compass and worry about hurting me?”
“Who said anything about you? It’s my inconvenience I’m worried about.”
“You’re a piece of work, lady, you know that?”
“Don’t worry. I won’t scandalize you in front of Fei. We won’t do anything obscene. Follow my lead. We’re just going to thrash together, like they do.”
“Entwined and thrashing. And how is that NOT scandalous? Oh God, I’m going to have such a bad case of sunburn. Just don’t squeeze anything.”
And so we went down. She wrapped herself around me and then nudged me to roll. And so roll we did—back and forth and forth and back. And then we came to halt. And then she started to rub her face against mine and then against my chest. I was getting turned on by her animal-like nuzzlings. She rubbed her face against mine again. I rubbed back. Instinctively I started to the salt off of her cheek and lips. My hands started to move, but they only knew how to move for Rico. I realized this as Qi’s hand took mine and positioned it on a particular spot, a spot that Rico did not like to be touched. So I stopped myself. I could tell she sensed the libido auto-pilot had stopped working and my conscious will had taken over because she stopped too.
Then she started to move vigorously against me. I assumed it was some kind of self-gratification action, but she was crying against my chest. I felt like a real cad.
“Qi. Look.”
“I am angry at so many things. And I put a lot of it onto you. It’s not fair is it?”
“I stopped asking the world to be fair a long time ago. I don’t believe in it anymore.”
“It’s too late for people like us. Isn’t it?”
“For a lot of things … yeah.”
When I think back on that brief conversation and those last responses, I thank the God of Happenstance for sometimes granting me the gift of the vague, open-ended-but-hollow response that sounds like you have empathy, but you really don’t. I had no idea what the hell Qi was regretting at that point. Goodness knows what kind of regrets were whirling in that whacked-out brain of hers. In these situations it’s best just to sit back, say as little as possible, and go with the flow, especially when you’re with someone who’s proven to go ballistic without warning. As we lay there, still attempting to placate the seals, I decided it was OK to stroke her head, and then after that, to slowly draw circles with my finger on her back. Unfortunately my aging body surprised me for the other ideas it was getting into its “little head.”
“Qi? I’m sorry. I’m really … stimulated … but …”
“You’re saying that like I should be surprised.”
“I beg your pardon?”
“Never mind. I’m very wet too. I’ll be careful. You’re holding yourself for her. I know. We’ve already gone over this. I’m quite jealous.”
“Don’t be. There’s a lot of sand on us. It would hurt. If not now, then later.”
“That can be avoided by a few, patient, very helpful minutes of preparation, but that sounds like the voice of experience.”
“Yeah, and I’m talkin’ back when I was an age when a boy would heal quickly. She had a great fondness, an affinity really, for the sea. She loved the water. She loved being loved in the water. Saltwater was in her blood—her family was probably coastal or seafarers for generations. I don’t know why I’m telling you this. It goes against all the commandments against killing a lady-boner to talk about an ex.”
“Well, you ARE TRYING to shut us down. You know, that woman will NEVER come back if she’s been gone this long. But I admit she’s not an ex yet. She’s still here—as present as if she were sitting here right between us. And I’M the ‘other woman’ and if I’m going to make you give her up, I need to let you talk her out of your system. Until you’re bored of her. I’m bored of her and I just ‘met’ her.”
“You know what? You just might succeed.”
Our anti-pillow talk interrupted by being shoved by a pair of seals next to us. There was a howl and barking and then a rank odor blew by that nearly made me gag up what little lunch I had had.
“FUCK. What is that horrible smell?”
“Somebody ELSE is having a nicer time than we are. The scent of arousal. That’s all.”
We sat up and looked around. We were no longer the center of any animal’s attention.
“Jesus Fucking Christ! It’s a goddamned, mother-fuckin’, SEAL-FUCKIN’ ORGY!”
There were no Beta males fighting Alphas for females in this group like all the National Geographic films show you is properly done in seal courtship. They just all paired off and were fuckin’ like rabbits … if rabbits indeed fuck that way. “Lovin’ the one you’re with” as it were.
“This is not natural,” said Qi. “What is
happening here? So much animal passion
in one place. Oh, I need to go break up that one couple over there before they
get too far along. Excuse me.”
And like any seasoned animal wrangler, with just her little hands and
feet, yells, whistles, and kicks, she manipulated a pair of copulating beasts
much bigger and heavier than herself with ease and confidence, moving them off
to other more appropriate partners.
“When
you are the custodian of the seals, you have the play matchmaker sometimes,”
said Qi.
“She’s all wrong for him, eh? Not a girl
he should bring home to mother?”
“Oh, that's SO funny, considering. I'll just say their bloodlines are too close. Might work for some of our chickens, ducks, and geese in a monitored system. By the way, Feng is quite the geneticist. She's created a master race of jungle fowl if you haven't noticed. That's why our chicken tastes so good. But these fellows? No. A little too
closely related in my book. I don’t think they want to raise stupid babies just
to be dinner for sharks and orcas.”
“Isn’t that a standard career choice for
seals? I understand this is an orca hunting territory.”
“It’s the default job. They can do better.
I wonder what’s making them all act like this? So indiscriminate.”
“Maybe this is speed dating site for older
females? And they all decided to settle instead of waiting for Mr. Alpha. I’m
thinking it’s your Earth-Mother Qi nuclear-grade pheromones getting to them
like they’re getting to me. It’s the fuckin’ Summer of Love for pinnipeds. You
should feel like Jimi Hendrix. Good time to sneak away before they all hit
climax. That’ll probably really stink,” I said rising and helping Qi up. "Thanks for the lift kids!" I yelled out at the seals.
“What would say if I told you that you were riding on the back of an orca for a while? And a shark, and a dolphin?”
“Yeah, right. I been to the ocean rodeo they call Sea World and this ain’t it. They got souvenir stands, piped-in Enya music, and clean bathrooms with sit-down toilets, which I have forgotten how to use mind you.”
“Then what were you holding on to? There at the beginning? Look at my seals. They don’t have handles.”
“Hell if I know then. But I would have noticed if I was on the back of a whale. Why would a whale allow such a thing? The smart ones avoid humans. We kill more than they do. And we kill for fun.”
“So do they. That's why we call them 'Killers.' What If I told you, she allowed you on her back because … you are … her king, her Mr. Alpha?”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Then I’d tell you she needs to schedule these things with my executive assistant out here in the field office, Scarlet the Centipede. That way I can dress appropriately. Where are your lice by the way? You give them the day off?”
“I DID actually! They don’t like the saltwater so they stay home on Rookery visiting days.”
“Oh right! And yeah, and today’s a holiday, so make sure you bake ’em a cake willya?”
“Oooo, there are going to be a LOT of pups this season! Oh, what a surprise, SHE got HIM! Hope it lasts. What fun!”
“I’m glad you’re enjoying this. If I had my camera phone to capture this, it would go viral in 60 seconds and you guys would all be forced to live in some privacy enclave like Malibu.”
For a few minutes there I thought the rational, grown-up woman, wounded-by-real-life Qi had finally shown up with whom I could have mature conversations, but then the delusional, religious fanatic, Dr. Doolittle-inspired, fairytale Qi returned. And so it always turned out the same. That woman is a walking porno mag to me. I needed a “milking” session bad. To think I would be suffering from blue-balls at an age when all my peers are putting their hopes in blue pills.
* * * * * *
Personal Journal Entry collected from the Second Chilin Guardian Princess of the East
Day of the Festival of Souls Lost at Sea
Dragon, Month 7, Day 8, Xingqi 5
I was wondering what Mother wanted with Dr. Wong out on The
Rookery. I took a vantage point on the beach just to observe at a distance. Of
course they tried to chase him away, the seals, I expected that. But then they
let him in. They would not even admit Ting Ting or Lum, both of whom look very
much like Mother. It was very strange. He sat there with Mother for the longest
time. I imagine she was telling him about members of the Seal
Guardians—pointing out the oldest and strongest, their cliques, family
groupings, and working regiments.
Then mother took him up to the Platform and in another
unexpected move, he dove into the sea. I expected Mother to follow him, but she
just sat there, watching. I decided to climb up and find out what she was
planning to do.
“Mother!” She merely nodded to me,
acknowledging that I was there. “That was a perfect dive. How did you convince
him to go? Ba and Yi told me he’s deathly afraid of deep water.”
“I didn’t convince him. I just … pushed
him … off ….”
“You didn’t! He might have a heart attack
or panic or …”
“How can such a clumsy, awkward, phobic
man be so resilient?”
“What’s happening out there Mother?”
“It’s hard to say. But it is not what I
expected.”
“What did you expect?”
“That the Sharks would attack and the
Seals would defend.”
“That’s not happening?”
“It’s much bigger and more complicated. Look
there. See him? He’s there. Riding on the back of a Great White in a group of
Great Whites. Dolphins are in close pursuit, and the Greats are about to be
flanked on the right. The dolphins will not be outdone.”
“That doesn’t make sense. Since when do
Great Whites work collaboratively?”
“I am beginning to understand what occurred
at his ordeal.”
“So you DID put him through a Sea Ordeal!
Why?”
“The same reason you Second Princesses are
running your tests? No need to hide it from me. It’s very obvious some of you
are very curious about him.” She sighed and returned her gaze to the sea. “It appears
as though the four Guardian Clans are vying for his favor.”
“There are four clans of seals? I didn’t
know that.”
“No. I am talking about the other marine
guardians of this Island.”
“Others?”
“We only control the seals. There are also
the Sharks, the Dolphins, and the Killers.”
“Killers?”
“Orcas.”
“THEY are guardians? Who controls them?”
“The Sea Witch.”
“What does it mean?”
“It means he is not what he thinks he is.
He is so dense. I don’t think he’s even aware he’s being transferred from one
group to another. He’s probably petrified with fear.”
“What is he?”
Mother started talking to herself.
“Why did you come now? Why now when I’ve
already given away my hope? And I gave away yours. There WAS a reason. There’s
no point now.” Mother took me in her arms and held me tightly. “I’m sorry
darling,” she said stroking my hair. She prayed out loud. “Great Ten, please
let her see what she needs to see.”
“Mother? What’s wrong? You’re not making any sense. I don’t understand.”
“Get to like him dear. Your life may depend
on him. Agh. I haven’t spoken to that god in years. I need to get to The
Shrine. The only thing to do is play it out. That’s all I can say. The gods are
so cruel. Right now, I need to get alongside him. He will have questions.” She
was not listening to me. She was talking past me. She gave a whistle and flung
herself off the cliff into the water below. I almost went after her. But I knew
our “dogs” would take care of her—take her to him—where she wanted to be. I could only watch.
Dr. Wong was right in what he had said earlier that day. My
world would change as my mother changed because I had made her the center of my
life. I was not having to wait years. She was changing before my very eyes.
© Copyright 2012 by Vincent Way, all rights reserved.
