Wednesday, March 4, 2015

Malibu morning picture of the day - Wednesday, March 4, 2015 - prep for Beat the Petty Person Day

Dear Family, Friends, and Gentle Readers,

Thank God it's Wednesday. Let's be happy that we all made it here, shall we?

No clouds in sight. No wonder it was cold this morning. Lady Los Angeles obviously kicked off the blanket last night. All other views are similarly monochromatic so there's no point in a 2nd look today.


When I was in Grand Rapids recently attending a conference on Christian worship, one of the presenters advised that the way things are going (speaking of the decline of Christian influence in Western culture and civilization), we should be thinking about how we will appear as a religious minority as we move into a post-Christendom era. He said that we should expect that we will start to look different from everyone else (that is, if we're serious about what it means to be a Christian), probably much like Muslims, Sikhs, and Hindus today.

Well, if you're one of those who are saying, "It's about time! All that 'bless those who curse you,' and 'turn the other cheek,' and 'forgive us our debts  as we forgive our debtors' jazz is SO TIRESOME, ... not to mention unrealistic ...", then take a page from one of your big-brother cultures on how to actuate the "curse those who curse you" ethic and let off some steam by observing Beating The Petty Person Day as they do in Southern China, typically observed March 5 or 6.

A pro in Hong Kong at work!
Now mind you, you don't get to go out and find your tormentors and beat the sh!t out of them that day, because get-out-of-jail-free cards are not part of that tradition, nor are tort laws put into abeyance (but wouldn't that be GREAT if it were?--I know some people who would leave town), but you can beat the HELL (oh, sorry, that's just an expression to you?--that's why you're seeking justice in this life, right?) out of them in paper effigy by hiring a pro (usually elderly women) or you can do the ritual yourself.

For all you do-it-yourselfers here what you need:

A shoe
Incense and red candles
Name and birthday of your "Petty Person"
Paper effigies (one of the four basic types of tormentors)
Paper scissors
Paper knife
Paper chain

You don't need this much incense
but it can't hurt...
1. Light the candles and incense. Do this someplace where you won't cause a fire. This is typically done outside, by a body of water. Incense is a force multiplier generally speaking.

2. Write the name and birthday of your tormentor of a paper cutout of animal stand-in that most matches their type of aggression toward you. If you don't have that info, just put enough other info to identify the evildoer so that justice doesn't go to someone with the same name, eh?

Use for a selfish person, duh!
Tiger for the mean-spirited bully
For that sneaky tool in your life

Sparrow for a gossiping backbiter

3. Now, beat the crap out of that effigy with the shoe.

4. Set the appropriate tool on the effigy animal to purge their activity:

1) Scissors to cut out a gossiping tongue,

2) knife to dig out or sever evil intent,

3) broom to push and sweep away impurity,

4) chain to bind or impede action,
or heck, how about all?

5. Slap them all in a rhythm and utter a metrical curse. If you can't think of one here's one I just made up:

May the pain of boil and blister,
Unendingly afflict this sister;
When most needed by this bro',
May his manhood fail to grow;
Glowing coals upon the tongue,
of the mouth whence lies were sung;
Grant no punishment banal,
Howsabout a botched root canal?;
When yer cruisin' about in town,
Let the cops mistake you for Michael Brown.
Your sins have left me so bereft,
Endure a decade of identity theft;
Damn selfish pig who insists on "My way!",
Get four flat tires on the highway.

[yeah, yeah, needs work, but you get the idea; feel free to make up more of your own]

6. Burn all the charms in a fire and scatter some beans in with them. I presume the beans are meant to fuel the curse. Feeling better already?

7. If this "holiday" catches on in the West, I propose you collect the ashes and put them in an envelope with the card that you will send "Thinking of You on Beating The Petty Person Day! Let's do lunch and clear this up sometime?" This would move it out of the realm of passive aggressiveness in my mind.

Anyway, there's a lot to get ready if you want to do it. Better go shopping.

Pops,28804,1893324_1893306_1893302,00.html (HL Tam photo)

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Be truthful and frank, but be polite. If you use excessive profanity, I'll assume you have some kind of character flaw like Dr. Wong. Tks!