Dear Gentle Readers,
NOTE: All right, it's time to issue a content warning here. Dr. Wong will use a lot of profanity as is his custom. And there will be a lot of talk about human excrement. There has already been quite a lot of scat talk in the episode regarding the Earth Guardian Princess Na. You may question whether the author made it out of the anal phase in his Freudian developmental stages.
One of my contentions is that in agricultural areas, the relationship between people and manure is different than what city dwellers in urban areas with sewage systems have. This is what I am getting at. I am not trying to write scat porn. Evoking excremental smells helps retrieve the image of Dog Island from being some kind of Disneyfied tropical resort, at least in my mind. You should be thinking of this place as rather shabby, run-down, overgrown more than the scant inhabitants can maintain order there.
A word about this chapter. Imagine a place you used to play as a child, where you pretended to act out your favorite stories of yourself. When you go back as an adult, you see that it is tiny, and much less impressive than your grade-school memory tells you it is. BUT ... imagine what if you went back, and not only was it as nice as you remember, but now it's BIGGER! And you're even more of runt. THIS is Ting Ting's mindset as she rediscovers a place she has not been in a long, long time.
My idea for The Grove comes of something I read once, that accounts by early settlers of the U.S. say that the entire eastern half of the country was so densely forested that a squirrel could run from the Atlantic Ocean to the Mississippi River without out ever once touching the ground. What if a canopy of sturdy, tropical hardwood trees grew in such a way that nimble climbers could move about above-ground from tree-to-tree, just like Tarzan, but not really needing the vines to swing on?
Hold on to this idea of an alternate world in a forest canopy. If I ever write my next book to be set in Madagascar, this kind of place will be explored even further.
In the meantime, let us return to our hero who is still making his flight through the territory of the Sea Witch within the upper canopy of The Grove.
The story continues ...
We came to a point where we were about to make a transfer
from a medium-limbed tree to a thick-limbed tree. Ting Ting forgot about her
prohibition on speaking and gave a squeal of excitement.
“Large snake?” I asked. “You’re the one with the knife.”
“No silly. Look at that! It’s ‘The Ramp!’ It’s so big now!”
“Ramp?
“I tied a branch into a certain angle to grow toward this other tree. Many
years ago. You can still see parts of the rope.”
“What was the purpose of that?”
“I wanted a shortcut into the top canopy. See how the trees are much
taller where we are going?”
“Not really, but I’ll take your word for it.”
“I’m going to test it. I’ll bet you I can run up it!”
And before I could say anything, she took off up that branch
which I estimated to be a 55 to 60 degree angle—steep! That woman was as
sure-footed as a goat. How does a human do that without claws? I went up to the
base of “The Ramp” and looked up to see her. She had disappeared into the
leaves. I heard her say something. I narrowed my eyes to see if I could catch a
glimpse of her. The branch was trembling. I looked down for a minute to check
my footing and when I looked up she was barreling down at me, head-first on all fours, her ass bouncing up and down
like a monkey—and she was going FAST.
I think she intended to yell at me to get out of the way,
but when she got to me, instead of colliding, she put her hands on my shoulders
and pushed herself into the air. I was pushed backward and got to see her
execute a somersault, take hold of a trunk and twirl herself about it to
dissipate her momentum and end with a stand-up dismount stance that any Olympic
gymnast would have been proud of. And
then I tumbled off the notch I had been squatting in.
I don’t know how I did it, but I grabbed hold of a branch
but swung face-on into the trunk. Luckily I did it before going into free-fall
and just hung suspended. I looked to my feet to see how far a drop it was to
the ground.
“FUCK! We’re some three storeys high here!
Help!”
“Not so loud Clete. We don’t want to
attract attention. I’ve got your right hand. There’s a knot for your left foot
right there.”
“Get me up! I need to check something.”
As soon as I
was on a stable surface. I sat down and reached into my crotch to find the wren
eggs.
“What are you doing?”
“Checking my eggs.”
“You have an obsessive fascination with
your own private parts. Are they in bad health? Are they swollen? Is that why
it’s so bloated down there?”
“THANK GOD they’re OK. If I don’t take
care of them, Qi is going to dismember me.”
“She wouldn’t dare. What use would you be
to her after they’re gone?”
“I think we’re talking about two different
things. What the HELL is the idea of tackling me like that?”
“I haven’t done a downhill monkey crawl
like that in years. It was good right?”
“You could have warned me!”
“I did. You didn’t pay attention.”
“If this is the way it’s going to be,
point me to the down escalator please! You are one Goddamned reckless lady.
It’s dangerous up here. I’ll take my chances with the Sea Witch.”
“I don’t recommend it. The Witch does not
like uninvited guests. We have to move ahead anyway to get to a tree that is
easy for you to climb down to the ground if that is what you really want. But
anyway, it was good right?”
“What?”
“My descent.”
“You were fuck-yeah awesome. Come ON! Can
we move on? SHEE-uh! How long have you been feeling this insecure that you seek
approval from a stranger?”
“We’re going up The Ramp.”
“No! We’re going down. Down. I’ve decided
I don’t like heights. Especially in the company of a nutcase who thinks she’s a
circus performer.”
“We have to go up to go down.”
“So you say.”
“Do you want to argue or do you want to
progress?” FINE! We’ll turn around and go back to the Empress Tree. There’s a short
path back to the Margin, but the girls will be waiting for you. I guarantee it.
That what you want?”
As a field scientist or engineer in a foreign land, there
always comes an inevitable point where you realize you are not in control of
your fate. And in fact, you have put yourself into the hands of a bush pilot who
is not entirely sane by the standards of your culture. You know it, but the
pilot doesn’t know it yet, but it’ll be only a few seconds until they do and
you hope they don’t turn sadistic when they do figure out they’re in the one-up
position. Or maybe they always knew they were in charge and just humoring you. The
only thing you can do is throw yourself to the mercy of the local gods. I have
found the best way to do this is just be like a dog and expose your neck. Be
vulnerable.
“I relent. We’ll do it your way. I really
need water. I sweat like crazy in case you haven’t noticed. I feel like there’s
an army of chiggers and ticks sucking me blood dry and I’m about to pass out.”
It was true though.
“Come with me.”
So we went up the ramp. We were probably up five storeys
now—I tried not to think about it. She had me sit on a branch. Don’t get me
wrong. I work on cliffs all the time, but I set all of the hardware to keep
myself from falling myself. I had trust issues with this woman. While I sat, I
watched as she crawled out on a limb that bent 30 degrees down as she
progressed, but undaunted, she broke off two green branches and crawled back to
me.
“No water up here, but we can suck on this
tree’s leaves and eat these nuts. The nuts are very bitter raw, but they are
not poisonous unless you eat a lot of them. They will freshen you right up.”
“Always trust a local to take you to the
best places to eat. This is actually not very bitter to me.”
“Is that so? That’s surprising. So Clete,
are you enjoying this path?”
“You want me to say yes don’t you?”
“Yes, but not if it is a lie.”
“If I were 30 years younger, not on a jail
break, and not on the lam from a gang of kidnappers—those kinds of things add
pressure you know—this would actually be a fun date.”
“I am pleased to hear it. It’s very
pretty, right?”
“You say that a lot.”
“What?”
“’Right?’”
“Is it wrong?”
“It’s like you’re using the interrogative
particle word ma, ma?”
“Is! I mean, I guess it
is. But is it wrong?”
“It’s not wrong. In fact, I find it rather cute.”
“It’s not wrong. In fact, I find it rather cute.”
“Cute? Like attractive?
Why?”
“I don’t know. But only from you. When Lee
does it, it’s annoying. It’s like a criticism. The way you say it, it’s
hopeful.”
“But an American woman doesn’t say it as
much as me, right?”
“No. She would not.”
“So it IS wrong. I will stop.”
“Suit yourself. But that is the American
idiomatic usage.”
“You are very odd to find such a thing
attractive. Is it because you like me?”
“I don’t dislike you.”
“But do you LIKE me?”
“Why are you seeking my approval?”
“Did I say I was asking your approval?”
“Not overtly no.”
“I am trying to understand you. Chew your
leaves but don’t swallow give me the mash. Turn. I am going to remove your
ticks.”
She started
to work on my back and neck. She mumbled, prodded with her nails, blew puffs of
air, and applied wads of leaf mash that I spat out and handed to her. I noticed that she was not killing any of
them. My dad used to take fleas off the dog by hand, and kill them by pulling
off their heads. Ting just set them to the side in one of the spittle piles I
had given her.
“How are your bowels?” she asked.
“I don’t know. Maybe a bit nervous?”
She
reached around me and prodded my belly. “Full. Take off your fundoshi and
please shit into my hands.”
“What?”
“Shit please.”
“Into your HANDS? I’m NOT going to do
that! No. That’s like the first thing a human child learns. Not to shit
inappropriately. And to do it in private.”
“I am trying to help. We don’t want to
lose any to the ground below. You will give The Grove something. For this, it’s
crawlers will leave you be.”
“Ticks and chiggers are not manure eaters
as far as I know.”
“There is something about your body that
our bugs like. I am trying to understand what.”
“Nonsense. I shit like everybody else.
I’ve been eating the same food as you all.”
“Not from what Na tells me. Your outfall
is different. I want to see. Trust me. The bugs fall into my domain as Tortoise
Guardian, so their welfare is my concern.”
“Why should a trust a woman who turns into
a wacko at the first sight of a jungle gym?”
“Because I got you out of the caves and
away from the girls.”
She had me there. I suppose was being unreasonable and ungrateful.
“If I do this, this is polite right? Not
rude? Right?”
“YOU are now saying ‘right?’ a lot. Why is
it good idiom now for you and not for me?”
“I DUNNO! I’ll have to think about it. If
I do this will you leave me alone and we can get on with this fuckin’ trip?”
“It is not rude to me. Think of it like
my work. Probably to some of the others though. Please proceed.”
I undressed, and I could not believe I was doing as ordered. One of my
first bosses was an old Army guy who was fond of saying that he would tell his
subordinates “If It tell you to shit, the only appropriate response was “Yes
sir, how much and what color?” He thought he was a goddamned riot. Bastard.
Anyway, I figured out a place to take a dump that would not fall to the forest
floor. Ting insisted on watching, but with the same clinical and professional
detachment of a biologist—but I now that I think about it, I suppose that’s
what she is.
“You have a real nest in your garment.
With real eggs. THAT’s what you were talking about!”
“Understand now?”
“Now why would Qi tell you to keep a nest
in your undergarment? That is not like her at all.”
“It’s too absurd to explain. I’ll have you
know, my mother would be very disappointed in me for having violated all she
taught me in her toilet training.”
“I will apologize to her myself if you
would like.”
“She’s dead.”
“Oh. I am sorry. But why do you speak of
her so casually then? In a joke? It is not respectful.”
“I’m a bad son.”
“Oh? Why are you bad?”
“Because her first-born son died, I
didn’t, and I am not him.”
Ting Ting
had no followup to that answer. I think she understood that family dynamic well
enough. I started to re-dress myself. This particular episode reminded me that
I did NOT like living within a culture without toilet paper. And being up here
in a tree, no access to water in the alternative.
“I am going to stink now. God I can’t
stand myself.”
“You really need to respect your body
more. It is as Lee and Lum tell me. You do everything you can to try to erase
all smells and scents from your self. It is like you hate everything that your
body does to do its work.”
“Unpleasant smells are unpleasant for a
reason. Do you want the lecture on hygiene and the bacteria life cycle? I can
give it to you.”
“Some other time.”
“I’m being a whiner aren’t I?”
“Yes. Don’t worry. Once we get to the
border, we will take the beach road, bathe in the sea, and then at my place
I have some pungent oil that I will pour on you.”
“So did all of you girls play around in
the canopy here as children?”
“No, only Mei and Na liked coming up here.
The others were afraid of the heights, especially in the Teaks.”
“Speaking of your Teaks, they’re huge—and
straight.”
“Clete, would you mind if we took a
detour? An alternate route?”
“Haven’t we wasted enough time as it is? I
need to get back ASAP. Qi said she could pop in and check up on me at any
minute.”
“She won’t. I know what they’re doing
today. She will be busy at hard labor until sunset.”
“I am under a prison sentence. I don’t
want to get kicked off before …”
“I seem to reall that you owe me a favor.”
“Oh
God. You calling in your IOU now?”
“It will be an even prettier side trip. We
have plenty of time. I promise it will be nice.”
“SURE. “I’d JUST LOVE to take this
alternate route.”
© Copyright 2012 by Vincent Way, all rights reserved.
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Be truthful and frank, but be polite. If you use excessive profanity, I'll assume you have some kind of character flaw like Dr. Wong. Tks!