Three Loves Seven, Chapter 22, Part 2 - "Tortoise Guardian to the Rescue from the Rescue"

Dear Gentle Readers,

It's story time again, children.

We last left our hero Clete bound in a dark cave, accessible only by traveling under water, pulling yourself along a chain. He was sprung from jail, against his will, by a lesser conspiracy of the Second Princesses from an unjust imprisonment. But he only had maybe 8 hours left in his jail sentence? Still, it's the principle of the thing.

And in case you've forgotten, he's dressed in 'prisoner garb,' a single, orange fundoshi which only covers his man-parts, into which he's shoved a nest of dead wren eggs that he has to protect otherwise Qi will chop off his pinky. He's a modest guy normally covered chin-to-toe in his field khakis, so he feels highly exposed. Got the picture? Ever had one of those days?

We left him with a voice calling out to him in the dark.

I know this story has way too many characters, but if you've been bothering to keep a checklist, you know that the voice had to belong to one of two First Princesses with whom he has not had a fully developed conversation yet. And converse they do; strangely like two people who act like they've known each other for a long time. Why is that? Is she the one you thought? The answer is below as

The story continues ...

     “Who’s down there?”

It was an older adult. One of the Firsts. Answer or no? Was it preferable to remain the prisoner of Qin Qin and her gang of five or surrender to the kookiness of the Firsts. Who was that voice? Not Feng, not Lee, not Mu, not Lian, not Na. That left Ting Ting, Lum, Big Mei, and Qi. The voice had that sort of baby-doll quality of Qi’s but deeper. Probably OK. Please, please, please do NOT be the sadistic Qi, I prayed before calling out.

     “Hey! It’s me! Wong! Some help?”

     “Clete?! What are you doing in there? Ting Ting here!”

     “THANK GOD! Get me the hell out of here!”

     “You’re in my domain. Tortoise Domain. You’re not scheduled yet.”

     “I hereby formally admit to a non-contractual, but unintended border violation and request official escort out of this domain. Satisfied? Now get the fuckin’ hell over here and help me out! Jesus!”

The glow of a flashlight came from the low part of the ceiling. A knotted rope fell down from the illuminated opening. Down the rope came one of the Cousins. It was indeed Ting Ting, the Tortoise Guardian Princess on the Security Council. Like Qi, she was typically wearing as little as possible. What was up with this Goddamned exhibitionism of theirs? I know it’s hot and humid here, but they’re USED to it!

     “You’re tied up? Who did this? Why?”

     “I’m being kidnapped and held captive by a bunch of idiotic teenage girls who have a misguided sense of virtue.”

     “Captive? But I heard you were already jailed in the Hall of Justice.”

     “Those crazy daughters of yours are protesting my fine and imprisonment. So they staged a prison break.”

     “And so they bind you in black cave to save you instead? That doesn’t make sense.”

     “Yeah, well let me know when things ever make sense here.”

     “Like, what would have happened if the cave hyenas found you like this and started eating you alive?”

     “WHAT!?”

     “Can’t you take a joke?. But still, this place is dangerous to leave someone. There are small scavenging creatures who would take you apart slowly if they had the chance. And if there’s a very high tide, or a surge, or a ghost wave, you’d drown in here. It fills at least two chambers above us.”

     “That’s very helpful to know, Ting Ting. You should tell them about that. Um, do you mind …”

     “But I’ve been dying to ask you. How ever did you avoid all the sharks when Qi put you through The Ordeal.”

     “Can we talk about that later? Get me loose!”

     “What’ll you give me if I do?”

     “This is hostage negotiation? You’re talking to the wrong party.”

     “What have you got?”

     “Seriously? I’ll give you anything you want.”

     “I want a magic carpet that flies on which I can see the world.”

     “Hmm. How about an annual pass to Disneyland? That’s pretty damn close.”

     “Hey! And what happened to that million dollars you said you’d give me for getting you away from the Council that day?”

     “So now who can’t take a joke?”

     “Lucky for you, pretty girls like me are used to hearing lies. And we do as we please anyway. I can cut the thongs. Let’s leave the cuffs here. Unless you really want them. We want to send them a message.”

     “They think that none of you know about this cave.”

     “Psht. We played here too when we were children. They obviously don’t know have the things about this cove that I do. BUT, nobody knows about the opening in the ceiling except me and my brothers. And now you. Let’s get up there before they come back and let’s listen to what they’re up to. Climb up.”

     “What are you doing?”

     “I’m writing my name in the sand here next to the cuffs. And I’m turning on their lantern. OK, I’m coming up.”

The opening we were in was oriented horizontally, so we lay there practically on one another, side by side, waiting in silence. A head emerged from the water, and then another until five of them were assembled. Eight, Eve, Gwen, Angel, and, of course, Qin Qin.

     “Oh no. He’s gone!” yelled Qin Qin.  “Doc Doc! You are too good at this!”

     “All of the bindings are here!” said Gwen.

     “Mama was here,” said Angel, “Look, her name.”

     “Did she come up the chain with him? You were on watch.”

     “No. The only other way to go then would be swim around and eventually into the harbor. But Dr. Wong wouldn’t do that. He said he doesn’t like deep water.”

     “So your mother knows a passageway through the hill then. Did she ever tell you about it?”

     “No, she never did.”

     “That’s not good.”

     “The opening in the Margin by the palms. I think that’s the only exit.”

     “There is the one in the Outside too.”

     “Mama wouldn’t go there. It’s too risky.”

     “Everybody to the Margin. We’ll have to recapture him and find another place to hold him. Even if it’s your mother, there’s five of us and only one of her. I’ve got another idea.”

The lantern went out, the girls filed back into the water, and the cave was silent and dark once again.

     “Clete, does swimming in deep water REALLY bother you? We just have to wait about 15 minutes I’d say and they’ll be gone. We can go back the way you came here.”

     “Do I HAVE to go out that way? I REALLY hate being in water that deep. Or even just going head under.”

     “But they’ll be waiting for us in the Margin.”

     “You’re an adult. Can’t you just give them an order and shame them into compliance?”

     “Were you listening to them? Besides, they’re adults too now.”

     “Guess you’re right. They’re in a Goddamned Lord of the Flies mood. I don’t want to tangle with them either. Eight and Eve! SHIT but those girls are tiny but strong! What do their mothers feed them?”

     “I know. They swim like fish and are strong as whales. They’re amazing.”

     “OK. What about this Outside cave entrance that they mentioned?”

     “That’s Sea Witch Domain. I am not allowed to pass unless I have permission.”

     “So tell me about this pass-no pass situation. Why is it like this?”

     “Sigh! I know you have been told this over and over, and I apologize. . .”

     “… yeah, yeah … only Islanders are allowed to know. I got it. BUT maybe since I’M not an Islander, maybe I can pass. That law just applies to you right?”

     “Maybe, maybe not. That’s a question for Feng and Qi. Maybe it doesn’t matter. Are you a good sneak?”

     “Sneak?”

     “I’m talking about overland jungle evasion and subterfuge?”

     “I’m probably much better at sneaking than ocean swimming. I did get out of the bathhouse that day. The million dollars aside, thanks for your help there.”

     “My pleasure. That was the most fun I’ve had in a while. Qi still doesn’t know. You ARE a good sneak.  It will serve us well. I have been able to pass through The Outside without detection in the past.” She went silent.

     “Ting Ting. Are you OK?”

     “I’m just thinking about our next moves. SO, does this kind of thing happen to you often in your work?”

     “No. I lead a very predictable and boring life.”

     “I don’t believe it one minute. I think you are quite smart, and daring, and clever. You should hear the gossip about yourself, between Lum and Lian especially.”

     “SO not true. I’m a crashing bore.”

     “We do all think you are terribly rude and possess a coarseness totally unbecoming of a teacher.”

     “Nobody’s perfect. Can we go?”

     “For some reason I am rather enjoying seeing you off balance and being terrorized. I hear the panic in your voice.”

     “You’re a sick fuck. Can we go now?”

     “I really don’t understand why we just don’t swim back. Lee said you are a good swimmer. Even if you are not a swimmer, you just hold your breath and pull yourself along the chain.”

     “Lee said I’m a good swimmer? You’re greatly mistaken. That’s a compliment. She would have said no such thing.”

     “Not in front of you, no. But she told me you nearly swam back to shore from the middle of the harbor. And yet you are terrified of the trench here. It’s not even visible. You couldn’t even get but a few meters down if you tried. All that water holds you up! It’s only a thought in your head. We can even swim around the other way.”

     “The idea of the Abyss is a humbling one. That’s all I can say.”

     “Oh grow yourself some testicles and be a man.”

     “Shame doesn’t work on a man my age.”

     “How big ARE your testicles anyway? Your groin is absolutely bulging! I want to see. We had a ram once with prodigious balls, big as my fists. I’ll just bet you’re the same. Probably why you’re so disagreeable.”

     “Keep your fuckin’ hands to yourself. It’s not all me. I’m carrying cargo down low. In case you didn’t notice, I don’t have pockets.”

     “Right, right. Maybe you’re compensating for a lack of ‘standard equipment?’”

     “I got all the testosterone I need thanks. My classic-size man-parts are doing their appointed job just fine, BITCH.”

     “No need for name calling. Just shut me up with some proof. Now I’m really curious. I never get to see male crotches anymore. Please? I promise I won’t laugh or anything.”

      “You’re used to lies, I’m used to shamings, but avoid them when I can. Even so, I’ve grown accustomed to Shame like an old cantankerous friend. He is an acquired taste—like dark chocolate, single-malt Scotch whiskey, and bitter melon stir fry.”

     “You do know how to change a subject don’t you? I’ve never know someone to avoid swimming quite like you.”

     “I know my limits. Young stupid men push well beyond their limitations. The ones who survive into adulthood know to work within them.”

     “A man who does not push himself maybe does not deserve to survive. Maybe I should just leave you here by yourself. You can get over your own fears by yourself.”

     “Fine. I’ll cope. I didn’t ask for your help.”

     “You most certainly did.”

     “I guess I did. Statement withdrawn.”

     “What will you do without me?”

     “The fact that you’re here proves there’s a way out through the caves. I’ll just follow you out.”

     “You don’t have a light. I don’t need one. I move fast.”

     “So I can do it myself if I have to. It’s constructing a simple-path algorithm, but no worries. I don’t have to. I can easily smell you.”

     “Oh, and what do I smell like?”

     “A locker room.”

     “I don’t know what that is.”

     “Be thankful.”

     “Did you just insult me?”

     “Now why would I do that to a someone whom I am reliant on for help?”

     “You know, if you are upset at me for saying something mean to you, why don’t you just attack me directly?”

     “I keep being told I’m rude by people here. I’m trying to be better. But it’s not working. I tried to do something nice and then I get fed to sharks. Can you explain this place to me?”

     “No. I can’t.”

     “Thought as much. I keep hoping I’ll find someone who’ll give me a different answer.”

     “I can’t explain why we think the way we do because I don’t know the way YOU think. But I will tell you this. If I try to help a wounded animal who then tries to bite me, I don’t want to help it anymore.”

     “Are we in a joke right now?”

     “No.”

     “Just checking.”

     “And this is also not a joke—it is very fun to see you so afraid. It doesn’t make you seem so smart. You are more like a regular person to me now.”

     “There is a German word for that emotion you are expressing ...”

     “You are thinking of Schadenfreude.”

     “You know German social science terminology?”

     “We all do! And you deserve such sentiment because you are such an Arschloch!”

      “This is a very charming chat and all but are you going to help me or not?”

      “I will conduct you out, but you must promise to intervene on my behalf if the Sea Witch captures us?”

     “Wait, were you one of the ones who voted to throw me to the sharks?”

     “Frankly, I don’t remember. That’s the past now. Judging from how I felt then, probably no. But today, yes.”

     “WHAT? WHY?”

     “A few days ago, you were only a nuisance. Today, I now think you are worthy of a test.”

     “A test? That was one hell of a test. For what?”

     “Many things. But mostly it’s how well you fare against the power of the Sea Witch.”

     “The Sea Witch again? What’s the hell with her? Surely she’s not this picky about reasonable border incursions?”

     “She is.”

     “But I met her daughter. Natsuki seems normal and reasonable enough to me. What does her mother do? From the vibe you girls give off, you’d think she eats human flesh and wears a garland of human skulls around her neck.”

     “She controls the malevolent and beneficial spirits both on and surrounding the Island. That’s what sea witchery is all about. She is powerful and holds our fate as such. Don’t underestimate her. When I have displeased her, or her father, in the past, my family’s shellfish traps were all empty for that year. And she DOES collect bones for spells. I think she makes her bone meal into crackers.”

     “Buncha Goddamned Island superstition! Look, Ting Ting, if it ensures your help, I promise whatever I can do to help, I will do it. I need to get back to jail, or I’m in deep doo-doo.”

     “Let us go then. In case you lose me in the caves—you won’t—I’m giving you a rhyme in English. Listen carefully. If you want to see the light, three times left and three times and three times right. To pay respects at the Empress Tree, keep to the middles then left times three.”

© Copyright 2012 by Vincent Way, all rights reserved.