Three Loves Seven, Chapter 19, Part 4 - "Where Castration Makes for a Happy Ending, That Kind of Place!"

Dear Gentle Readers,

This a long chapter and this is a long portion, I know. But I want you to empathize with Clete, feeling like you are trapped with a nutcase operating on rules that make no sense. The Hall of Justice is a strange place run by a strange person. The more I thought about it, the longer I wanted to spend time there. It will get a little weirder.

The interaction with Qi continues and justice is meted out. You're not worried about Clete are you? This is a comedy and there's way more story to go. And if you're worried about plot contrivances, how did you even get past the first chapter?

And for those of you who started with me when I began this blog and read the portions that comprise  "Cinderella and the Great Prince of Southern China" (the Clete Wong story is the wraparound story for that one), you may be asking if the "Qi" character in that one has anything to do with this one. The answer at this point WITHOUT creating a spoiler is that they are connected. You have been given enough clues to make a pretty good guess as to how the two stories relate and when they might converge. That's all I'll say right now.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with Pinyin romanization of Chinese, to correctly hear how the name "Qi" is being said in your mind's ear, Q is pronounced like "ch-" in English. So you should be hearing "Chee" in your head. Other names that don't sound like they look are:
     Feng = fung
     Xiaomei = shao (rhymes with wow) may
     Qin Qin = chin chin
     Yi = ee

More commentary later. The story continues with Clete being chastened enough to enter the Hall of Justice. We left him in a posture of bondage and obeisance, learning how the meditative practice of reciting a mantra can work to achieve a state of objective mindfulness.

Love,
Pops

After a while she returned to check on me. What got to me was her cheery, helpful, but condescending attitude, as if I were a 1^st grader needing instruction on how to use crayons and a coloring book.

     “Well, Dr. Wong. What have you got to say to me now?”

     “I’ve been diligently practicing here what I think. But I’ll just say that I humbly seek entrance to the Hall of Justice to take responsibility for my actions. I submit to your ministrations and your mercy.”

     “So nicely put. I can’t help but hear a lot of sarcasm in that, so you still need to work on the sincerity, but I’m sure that will come with practice.”

After she untied me it took a while for the blood to return to all of my extremities such that I could feel like I could move again. As I ascended the stairs to her house, I realized she had changed from her black-and-white uniform and had basically tied on two gauzy sheaths around her—one around her breasts, the other around her crotch and hips. She almost looked like a pin-up girl. Most men my age would have found her irresistible, except for her one major flaw in my opinion, but I’ll get into that later. She is NOT irresistible to me though—my own libido is so rusty from neglect and disuse. Any Hollywood actress her age, would have killed for the athletic firmness and gravity-defying quality of her unbelievably 50-something flesh, which looked 10 years younger than her age without the help of Beverly Hills surgeons. She was curved in just about every place imaginable, and in aesthetically pleasing ways.

I DID start to feel my own atrophied, creaky, male instincts trying to activate themselves in response to her beauty, but my brain knew better and would have none of it. This woman was a luscious but poison fruit who had already inflicted a lot of damage. She was trying to get an electric fan going. This was the first time I had noticed any Dog Islander acting as though she were hot.

     “This fan has stopped working. Can you get it going?”

     “I suspect a bad contact on the switch. If you give me an hour with it at the lab, I could probably fix it.”

     “Nice try. You are not going anywhere.” She shoved a folding hand fan toward me. “You’re going to fan me.”

     “You’re hot?” She gave me a look like I was as dumb as a rock.

     “Surely there are menopausal women in your country? Or do you just forget about them after age 45? The heat comes and goes. But it never stops. It stopped for everyone else! Why me?”

     “You know, health science has dealt with this. If you allowed a medical professional here, you could maybe get on a regimen of hormone replacement therapy. My cousin’s husband is an endocrinologist. Maybe I do have something you want.”

     “You just keep the fan going until I tell you to stop. But before you begin our proceedings, you need to put on proper prison garb for a criminal defendant.”

She fetched a long piece of orange cloth and handed it to me.

     “What is this? Some kind of head band? Or sash?”

     “Idiot. It’s a rokushaku fundoshi.”

     “Well of course. That explains everything.”

     “Do I have to do everything for you? They said you were smart. It’s a Japanese-style loincloth. Take everything off. I’ll tie it on for you.”

     “Wait this is the thing those muscle-bound, teenage drummer boys wear in the Nisei Week parade? You’re outta your fuckin’ mind. I’m not wearing this. This is like for male strippers. I am not doing it. This is a violation of my human rights.”

     “You keep thinking you’re in Western Civilization. But you’re not. Do I need to brandish my knife every time I ask you nicely to do something?”

     “Cool it, sister. I know you’re armed and dangerous. I'll goddamned strip. What’s with this tawdry getup?”

     “Three reasons. Every time I’ve ever seen you, you’re constantly sweating. … like me. Maybe I feel sorry for you. It’ll probably be cooler for you. Two, you cannot hide any weapon dressed so. Three, I never get to see the human male body very often, and I want to, and this a good chance, close up.”

Those were actually very good reasons, and I decided I had been putting too much friction on this whole process and maybe it was time to cooperate. Actually the thought of anyone WANTING to see my decrepit, sagging body was unfathomable. But she was basically a farm girl who dealt with bodies all the time, so I chalked it up to professional curiosity. I suppose I was a healthier specimen than Rex was, and maybe decrepit is better than nothing.

Just so you all know, a fundoshi is basically thong shorts for a guy that you tie on, and the only thing it covers are your balls. It’s a good look for an athletic man with a six-pack, but it’s definitely not fun to wear if you suffer from hemorrhoids. Thank goodness it’s a darker color, and not white. What an embarrassment that would be. Blood-clot maroon would be a better fashion choice for me than orange. Now that I was properly attired the trial could begin. We sat in two chairs facing one another. She was straddling her chair facing the back, resting her forearms on the top, while I fanned off the heat of her hot flash. She would motion from time to time to get me to speed up. She made no attempts to adopt modest or demure poses--she was all business--so nudity and exposure had nothing to do with anything in this house--which I found to be a relief and it made me feel comfortable in my own skin.

     “You are accused of violating our airspace with an unauthorized, unmanned aircraft, and transporting contraband onto The Island. What do you have to say to that?”

     “I did it, I’m sorry, and I won’t do it again.”

     “Why did you do it?”

     “I broke my reading glasses and I was just trying to resupply myself in the quickest way possible.”

     “Why didn’t you ask permission to land an aircraft?”

     “The answer would have been ‘no.’”

     “How do you know that?”

     “The answer to every question I’ve asked here has been ‘no.’”

     “During your first month, perhaps. But now, I’m not so sure.”

     “I’m sure. My experience is that that you older Cousins are a very unfriendly, inhospitable people. With the exception of Na.”

     “You think NA is friendly? Increase speed, and over here on my right side.”

     “We were rough to start. But we’re fine.”

I could see she was having a hard time with that idea and that she wanted to follow up. But she stayed on issue.

     “Why so many glasses? There were at least 12.”

     “They’re generic, from the general store. Not from an eye doctor. I just had her send me one of each strength.”

     “What about all these other items?”

     “I asked Sally to put a few other things in the bag since I had a shipment coming anyway.”

     “Who is this Sally? Is she your wife?”

     “No. I am not married.”

     “Is she your concubine then?”

     “HAH! What? You mean like a girlfriend? Hell NO! She is my employee. She does what I tell her to. Most of the time. Or maybe only on the clock when she’s getting paid.”

     “Did you bring a copy of the e-mail letter that you sent requesting all of these items as I asked?”

     “It’s in the pocket of the shirt you made me take off.”

She retrieved the list and compared it to the inventory that she and the Cousins had compiled. I only got a chance to see what came in the one bag that I was able to open on the beach. I had no idea if Sally had followed through on anything else.

     “Nine women’s extra small USC tee-shirts, received. Nine women’s extra small denim short shorts, received. Nine women’s sports bras, nude color, small, received. Nine pairs of women’s Ugg boots, sizes 3-4, received. Nine…”

     “Wait a minute! Did you say Ugg?”

     “Yes.”

     “Oh man! What was Sally thinking? Those things are EXPENSIVE! Plus, I think they’re currently out of fashion among young college women.”

     “Those are all for the Seconds, then?”

     “I was going to give them out as their reward for doing well on their tests.”

     “A carton each of Camel, Marlboro, Lucky Strike, and Sherman cigarettes, plus an assortment West Indies cigars, Brazilian, Dominican, and Cuban, as well as an assortment of incense, all in a wrapped gift box marked for Lian. Received.”

     “Yeah, uh. Lian didn’t know I was getting those …”

     “She was more surprised than anyone. If that was your intention. Nothing special for Na? Nothing for Feng?”

     “Why are you asking about those two?”

     “They just seem to be your favorites to me among my cousins. You just said Na was the friendliest. If you are trying to woo either of them you are only making them upset with this favoritism toward Lian. Your understanding of a woman’s heart is extremely lacking.”

     “I have no favorites and I’m not wooing anybody. Lian is to receive those tobacco goods in recognition of her excellent parenting of my bush employee Qin.”

     “Hmmm. I almost believe you. Continuing. Thirty pairs of women’s sunglasses. Various colors and styles. Received. Thirty pairs of women’s leather work gloves. Received.”

     “My gift to The Island population.”

     “Please note they are gratefully received with reservations. Six professional grade snorkeling sets and swim fins. Received.”

     “For the dive fishers.”

     “Various office and lab supplies and food stuffs. I won’t go into the inventory listing, but know that everything you asked for was received. We are confiscating everything intercepted and all is now considered the property of Dog Island to do with as we please.”

     “Except for my glasses, that was the intent. A lot of that are school supplies for the girls.”

     “What are these? There are nine of them as well.”

     “Those are e-books. One for each household. Would you like me to show you how to use it?”

     “Later please.”

It was at this point that Lee arrived. She took a look at us and her eyes went wide.

     “WONG! Why are you dressed like that? You are practically naked.”

     “Don’t blame me! I’m a prisoner under threat of force. Just trying to save my skin and keep it intact—exposed as it is.”

     “And you, QI! This is supposed to be formal legal proceeding. You have practically nothing on yourself when you are holding court! How shameful!”

     “Spare me your prudery. You know who I am and what I like. If Her Holiness Judge Feng abdicates, I am running MY court the way I see fit. Feel free to sit down and observe. We are almost done with my investigation.”

     “Why are you having him fan you like a slave? How decadent!”

     “Don’t be stupid. Why else? I’m hot!”

     “You are acting like an adolescent. I can’t believe this.”

     “You had your turn at更年期 already. Do not be so intolerant and judgmental. You are out of order as court bailiff. Sit down. Now, Prisoner Wong, we will go over the things received that were not on your request list. One hundred assorted combs, brushes, and hair ornaments. Nine pairs of Italian-made women’s sandals. Facial jewels. Manicure and pedicure tools. Forty bottles of nail polish and nail decals. There is also a separate set of clothing apparently intended for my daughter and a note from your employee which I shall read to you.”

Dear Chief,

Wong said he had a whole extra drum he could fill so I took the liberty of splurging on the expense account to include some items for all the moms to have some fun with. I took a look at the photos you posted in the uplink and yeah you are not kidding about all the long hair. It’s amazing. This one set of clothes is for Faye—white hot pants, knee-high boots with fringe and buckles, and a breezy low-cut leopard top. It’s obvious from what you write that they’ve elected her the “hot chick,” and if you succeed in getting her to college here in the States, she needs to start getting comfortable in the uniform. So there you go. If you do get her into engineering school, judging from the pictures you posted, she is going to EAT all of those boys alive.

I also include a few medical sundries for you. LOL.

Sally

     “What is a ‘hot chick?’”

     “Well … when you were, say 15, were men and boys always staring at you? More than any other girl?”

     “That’s what you mean? Me? No. At 15, they were always looking at Lee.”

     “WHAT? You’re joking.”

     “And what is so hard to believe about that?” Lee cast me a furious look.

     “Ummm. I’m sorry. I retract that last statement?”

     “Lee was quite the beauty," Qi assured. "Me, I was always thought to be odd. My father said he did not think he would ever find a family that would accept me for their son. I remain unmarried, so I guess he was right.”

     “Marriage is highly overrated. You’re not missing much. Getting back to Sally’s message, what are these sundries?”

     “Yes, I was meaning to ask you about them,” she said pulling out a small 2x2 square packet. “There are four boxes of these ‘latex prophylactics.’ What are they used for?”

I could only curse Sally in my head. FOUR boxes. Goddamn! Where was her dirty mind?  It was refreshingly charming to see Qi’s naivety. I decided the most blasé, nonchalant answer would serve me best.

     “You get those at the medical supply store. They are used to prevent the transmission of disease.”

     “Please demonstrate how it is used.”

     “It would require your assistance and a fair amount of time. So … uh, let’s just hold that for an appropriate occasion should it ever present itself.” Like NEVER.

     “If they are medical in purpose, why does one of the boxes make a point to say they come in different colors and flavors?”

     “Well, uh. Sometimes they come in contact with the mouth. So they’re flavored and colored just like cough drops.”

     “And one last inventory question. There was a box of ‘Tiger Milk’ bars. Please explain.”

     “Those are portable food bars that require no cooking. Tiger Milk is the name of brand. They are not made with the milk of a tiger. Why do you ask?”

     “The chilin or as you call it, the unicorn, is the totem of my office, but so is the tiger. So I am very interested in tiger-related things. Are they good?”

     “They are nutritionally dense. I think you’d find them much too sweet.”

     “Lee, fetch some for the Assembly Hall please. Let’s see if that is the case.”

     “You can order him around, which I think is wrong, but I am NOT your errand girl. What kind of joke proceeding is this?”

     “I am the minister of justice here. YOU need to do what I say.”

     “NO! Call a recess and take a snack break if that’s what you want to do! Ai Yah!”

     “You are supposed to be acting as a servant of the court. Why are you here then?”

     “I am here to help you execute your judgment and then we need you to assist in the Smokehouse work as soon as you’re done! I’m supposed to take you there. Finish him off! He has taken too much of all of our time. You know what I think? You are content to loaf around and play Queen here.”

     “Don’t hurry me!”

     “Did you get the tiger-stripe sunglasses then?” I asked. “I told Sally to include some flamboyant designs. I saw one in there.”

     “I did! They are acceptable to me. Well, well Dr. Wong, I must attend to the Smokehouse. EVERYBODY needs me it seems. I’m SO indispensible."
     "Stop!" said Lee. "You are no more indispensible than ..."
     "You are so predictable Lee, don't. But let me get to the main point then, Wong, since the Water Guardian is so quick to circumvent the workings of justice. I am concerned that you are not who you say that you are. That you may be an agent of the Protectorate finding a way to dispossess us of our land. Or that you may be an agent of a foreign power trying to find a way gain our Island for your own strategic purposes. And yet my dilemma, I feel that one half of our population, the Seconds, will go into revolt if I justifiably order your death to quiet this threat. My own daughter who started off hating you has come around to thinking you have some value here. She would not forgive me if I sent you off to the Killing Yard with Lee to be dispatched—I suppose I could even tie you up myself, hang you up, and slash you to bleed out. I'd even be willing to take on all the karma that would entail. But Fei would probably not speak to me after that. Especially now that she has TWO new outfits from you. Therefore you need close watching AND we need to deprive you of access to your communications and your work for a time. So I hereby revoke your working permit while you are to be incarcerated for three days.”

     “Incarcerated?” I said.

     “Incarcerated?” Lee scoffed. “How? We don’t have a jail.”

     “The Hall of Justice, my cottage, will function as the jail. While you are here you will be responsible for cleaning and maintaining the Hall, preparing meals for the two Chilin Guardians, and feeding, watering, and cleaning up after all the inhabitants of the Hall of Justice.”

     “That is nonsense,” said Lee. “Just put him under house arrest. Or deport him! Half of us think he should be sent home anyway.”

     “He may have equipment in his cottage. And he may sneak off to his lab. He is to be enjoined from all of his work. And I don’t want to deport him. I rather like the research reports that he gives to the council. We’ve adjusted some of practices because of them—we can exploit him just as much as he does us.”

     “But,” said Lee, “it is unjust for you to enrich yourself off the labor of a convict.”

     “Where DO you get all these limiting ideas from? We've never had a convict that I can remember, so we don't know all the rules! I can’t help if I’m getting some benefit from his punishment. And while we are on the subject Lee, this is your fault for improperly supervising him.”

     “Read the law sometime! It is NOT my fault. If you four queens on the Security Council would actually follow your own rules …”

     “I don’t care. No excuses. He’s MINE now to do with as I please. You had your chance. I’m just trying to inspire him to remorse. He needs it. This is just like a play! And I absolutely LOVE courtroom dramas, like the Merchant of Venice.”

     “Shakespeare? Do you have a VHS tape of it?” I asked. I was thinking of an English lit lesson for the cram school just then.

     “No. But we do have it somewhere in the classroom. Oh, and I need to impose a fine. Lee you don’t deserve it, but I am going show you ‘the quality of my mercy is not strained.’ How much did you need for a new engine for your big boat?”

     “$20 thousand American was the last quote, rebuilt including delivery.”

     “Is that a lot of money?” asked Qi.

     “I don’t know. It’s probably like yen. So yes.”

     “Very well. I am buying your engine. That will shut you up. Happy now that you are also prospering from his crime? Dr. Wong, I impose an $80 thousand fine.”

     “That’s outrageous. Lee just said 20. You just quadrupled it! How do you figure?”

     “I like the number eight! Would you rather I take a ‘pound of flesh’ instead?”

     “Depends from where you cut. I could probably stand to lose some weight.”

     “What you did is serious. I want it to hurt."
     "I hurts even when a stupid cashier doesn't even give me 80 cents change that I deserve. How about that?"
     "It’s a thousand dollars for each of the approximately 80 things you ordered and had delivered. We will consider all other items as gifts from Miss Sally and exempt from your malice. You must pay the fine by wire transfer before the end of your sentence or be deported.”

     “Meh. I’m going to need my phone to call my banker. And I can get you a way better price on an engine than that. Who's your fuckin' vendor? Same one who sells you that muddy swamp water you call diesel fuel?”

     “Pay or leave. It’s up to you. I think I’m being quite generous and letting you off easy. One of our judges sentenced a dozen men and hanged them all on the same day, just for the crime of being disrespectful in the gambling house. Justice is swift here. To understand our legal system you must remember that we were founded by pirates, brigands, political dissidents, nonconformists, and castaways.”

     “Misfit justice. How charming. They should have sold those poor gamblers as livestock to your cannibal neighbors.”

     “Actually they did,” said Lee, “according to the legend.”

     “I was being sarcastic,” I said. "I'll bet anything there was an advance order."

     “The hanging tree is still in The Grove,” added Qi. “It is still called The Longpork Fruit Tree. Elders told that story to encourage obedience in the children. Supposedly the bodies of the hanged men were smoked for storage and transport in the very same smokehouse where we need to go now.”

     “How impressive. In Los Angeles we never preserve historical buildings like that.”

     “Don’t get the wrong idea,” said Qi. “The judge was not without mercy. He did have their heads and gonads removed, cremated, and interred in The Grove.”

     “I’m not EVEN going to ask if their private parts came off before they were hanged since the answer seems obvious.”

     “Don’t be silly! How ELSE would the criminals know for certain that they were to be respected in that way?”

     “Ah yes. Glad to hear respect for the convicted means a lot. Trust but verify. So that makes it a happy ending?”

     “On our island yes,” said Lee. “It ensures their ghosts will not roam the seas.”

     “Keeping my 80 grand and self-deportation is looking pretty good right now. But I'm still in. OK Mistress Prison Warden, where’s your broom and mop? Hope you like scrambled eggs. That's about all I can do ...”

     “NO EGGS. NO KARMA. We are vegetarians in the Hall of Justice. Convict Wong,” said Qi, “your duties here will be described later. And you will be trained if need be. Right now you are coming along to fan me as I work.”

     “Aw man. Fuck an A. Can I at least put on some pants? Or at least draw a happy face on my ass  cheeks?”

     “Remorse first. Modesty later.”

© Copyright 2012 by Vincent Way, all rights reserved.