Three Loves Seven, Chapter 12, Part 2 - "The Geologist Meets the Princess of Shit"

Good evening gentle readers,

In this portion you will get more deeply acquainted with Dog Islander Na, the mother of Yi (aka Eve).  I don't need to fill in much about her. She has a long conversation with Clete which does just that.

You might remember her in Chapter 8 "Clete Gets a Tutoring Gig" where she makes a brief appearance but Lum inadvertently winds up giving her an insult at the expense of the Security Council.

Her cousins DO avoid her, but it's not out of spite--it's just her smell that she can no longer detect on herself. Her assigned station in life has made her self-conscious and ashamed at times. The judgment she feels is real up to a point, but a lot of it is bad feelings she has invented for herself.  The truth about the feelings of others toward ourselves is that others care way less about us than we think they do. So much of relational fiction is based on this psychic imbalance.

There is reference to the film Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels. All you need to know is that it is an Irish movie, not American, and that all the characters use the verb to fuck in stunning profusion--just like Clete does. So much so that this most offensive of words is rendered into white noise and very much robbed of its power. It's worth finding and watching.

This chapter will go to three parts.

Love,
Pops




Clete's personal journal entry continues.

U.S. Time:            Wednesday evening, July 25, 2012
Island Time:        Dragon, Month 6, Day 7, Xingqi 3

Project Date:       Week 4, Day 3               

Later that day, I closed down my files and asked Qin Qin who was working for me that day, how her island history archiving project was progressing.

     “Moving along.  The legal cases are just about done. There aren’t that many. I am going to start on the vital records next week.”

     “Do you mind handling my data uploads tonight? I have a dinner engagement.”

     “You are going to the Metal and Earth Domain aren’t you?”

     “Word gets around.”

     “You heard there are no secrets here.”

     “Is there a reason I shouldn’t go?”

     “No reason.”

     “You look a little sad, maybe even upset.”

     “I’m being selfish. I get to see you all the time. Ba and Yi don’t. But I don’t want to share. Is that bad?”

     “They’ve been seeing me every morning in exam prep class. Look. You would feel bad I were your father and didn’t allow you to have friends and kept you in a house all to myself, right?”

     “Yeah, I know that.”

     “You guys are big on loyalty here as a virtue. Well, I’m the same way.”

     “REALLY?”

     “Yes. But loyalty is a joint virtue shared. Loyalty gone bad or one-sided is possessiveness. If you have true loyalty, you have confidence that your trusted special one will always be there for you. The person who does not have that confidence becomes possessive. Don’t be that person. I will always be your teacher and I will always be your friend. But we live in a community here and I need to make sure your cousins, those in BOTH generations, don’t start thinking I’m a bad fellow because I’m antisocial and unfriendly, otherwise it’ll cause trouble for our being together. Make sense?”

     “Hai, hai. Don’t you worry about anything Doc Doc. I’LL be in MY place tomorrow. You can count on it. Just in case you were worried I’D be abandoning you. And I’ll get your files handled.”

     “So nice that you’re so worried about ME.”

Totally missed my point. She wasn’t even listening. Why do I keep going into these ‘sage monologues’ anyway with these girls? At least they are smart enough to ignore some old fart who doesn’t know a thing how a young girl would think. God knows what bad advice I’m dispensing. I’m sticking to calculus.

I went back to my cottage and looked at everything I had in my trading stock that I might take as a house gift. Vice-grip pliers for Mei, sewing kits for Eve and Eight, penlight for Na. There was a knock at the front door.

     “Come in.” It was Lee.

     “Take these for Na and Da Mei,” she said handing me two covered urns. “Motor Oil bean paste condiment.” She kept giving me a stern look.

     “Well?” I said to her expectantly.

     “I thought I told you to keep to business. You just needed something fixed. Why this friendly visit?”

     “The girls invited me to discuss their progress with their mothers. It seemed rude to decline.”

     “Tell them to make an appointment for their mamas AFTER class time. THIS is why you have problems. You do not say NO.”

     “I get the feeling you want to tell me something about Na and Da Mei.”

     “Just go. Stick to business talk and you will be fine.”

I spotted Da Mei cleaning up in the outdoor sink and called out a greeting to her. As I approached, I saw that it was not Mei but someone who was nearly like her twin, just slightly smaller. It had to be Eve’s mother, Na. She was attired in the standard Black and White uniform and but she was barefoot. Her legs were shapely, though covered. Her trousers had been tailored, by Lum I suppose, to be more form-fitting. I thought Mei was dark, but Na was about 10 to 15 percent darker in her exposed skin than Mei. Her top was different in that it was of a heavier cloth and quite loose and baggy. It was heavily soiled as well.

Her hair arrangement was unique. She had on what I would call a 360-degree woven-straw sun visor, sort of like a large donut that rested on the crown of her head. Her hair was organized into an elaborate top knot, held into place by a conical leather hair ornament that pointed her hair heavenward, with the loose tail falling back to her shoulders. She gave me a bow of welcome and greeting, which I returned. While she was down, she deftly removed the “straw-hat doughnut” off her head, and snapped back up as did I. We just stood there in standoff, waiting for the other to talk.

     “You go first,” I said.

     “Didn’t you just go first by saying that?”

     “I would say that that doesn’t count as first.”

     “So when does it start counting as first?”

     “You’re asking me?”

     “I know enough English to know when I have asked a question.”

     “I’m sure you do. I’m probably just being an asshole.”

     “You say that like it is a bad thing. Assholes are not bad things. I am quite interested in them in my profession.”

     “So you work with a lot of litigation attorneys then?”

     “Litigation attorneys? Are they people who deal in shit?”

     “Yup. LOTS of it.”

     “Are you making fun of me?”

     “No, but I’m trying to make a little fun WITH you. You seem uptight.”

     “Explain the word ‘uptight.’ I have heard it often in the movies.”

     “Anxious. Annoyed. Bothered. Wary. Suspicious. Maybe even angry a little. Does it fit you?”

     “You are a stranger from far away. And there have been complaints about you. Would I wrong to be suspicious?”

     “Not at all, but you’ve entrusted your daughter to my care as a teacher.”

     “Feng, Nu, and Qi trust you with their daughters. That is something. But I am very glad that you have come by tonight. So I can judge for myself.”

      “Yi is a very sweet girl. Attentive in her studies. Always very polite to me. But she is a daydreamer. Seems almost to go into trances. That means to me that she has innate ability for deep concentration. Does that sound like your daughter to you? Want me to go on?”

     “Do you think she has inner vision?”

     “I don’t know what you mean by that term, but I believe if she harnesses her single-mindedness, she will be formidable in whatever she choose to do. She has the same intensity as her cousin Xiaomei. She just hasn’t matured yet. She is a few years younger right?”

     “That’s correct.”

     “So. Have we officially started this conversation yet?”

     “You were the one who thought that the first word was not the first word. Why don’t you tell me what you think will start it?”

     “How about when one of us says ‘Hi!’ or ‘Hello!’ or ‘Ni hao!’ or introduces ourself.

     “I can agree to that. If that’s the case, we don’t have to worry about that silly rule the council dreamed up. We should both avoid having the first word the.”

     “Silly rule or not, that council can cause you trouble if you get on their bad side.”

     “You ARE smart. Mei said so.”

     “Let me ask you something. Yi put down on her information sheet that your occupation is Earth Guardian. I’m a geologist, so of everybody I’ve met, it seems that you would be my most natural professional colleague here. Why did they not assign you to me as my liaison? I’ll bet you could tell me a lot more about what I want to know and see, and probably have helped me plan my time better than Lee could, if she tried.”

     “Dr. Wong, that is a very good question. I don’t know that I can tell you the answer.”

     “I would like to hear you try. Call me by my first name. Have you heard it?”

     “Yes. Do you know mine?”

     “Nah, but I’ll fake it.”

     “That was not funny.”

     “I know. I’m the only one who laughs at my jokes. It's pretty lonely out here.”

     “I am the First Princess of Shit.”

     “Excuse me? By the way, I think that counts as an introduction.”

     “Who cares? What does that matter?”

     “Your Security Council might. If I break more rules they’ll kick me out of here or squeeze more slave labor out of me.”

     “I hate them. And they despise me. That’s why they didn’t give you to me. OK, so I talked first. Fine. They told me not to talk to you. They’re worried about something, but I don’t know what. My primary duty is maintaining the farmable land. So I make sure all organic matter is properly composted and redeposited in the fields and plots that need rest and replenishment. So I collect everybody’s and everything’s shit. And all dead bodies. I am the one who makes leather and glue from carcasses. And I compost all dead vegetation. We do not waste anything here. In fact, to me, there is no such thing as a waste product. It is all good for putting on the productive land, but timing is everything. If I get it wrong, we will all be dead meat ourselves.”

     “Where I come from you would be called a soil scientist or an agronomist or a soil engineer. They are highly valued people in the agricultural sector. You might also be the CDC officer.”

     “Sounds impressive. Where I come from, some people avoid me.”

     “Can’t imagine why.” I lied. She was pretty bad.

     “They think I smell too … earthy.”

     “Do they?” She moved in close to me. She put her face close to mine.

     “What do YOU think? Clete? I hear you are a learned man. So you’re probably very observant.”

     “Like timing, context is everything.”

     “A polite answer, but you are avoiding my question.”

     “I am observant. You know, speaking of observation, that is very interesting,” I said changing the subject.

     “What?”

     “You’re so dark, and yet you have freckles—I can barely see them. And they seem to be in a pattern. Almost like a spiral nebula. Are they decorative tattoos?”

     “My father came from a place where they have many tattoos, but I am 100 percent naturally me. The gods made this way.”

     “The gods do good work. I find your freckles strangely attractive. They’re large, rather like leopard spots.”

     “That’s a very forward, rude, and personal remark. Are you trying to get me to slap you?”

     “I have an idea. Let’s take off our shirts and trade, shall we?”

     She slapped me. “You are still avoiding my question AND NOW you are trying to look at my chest? I’ve heard about men like you.”

     I rubbed my face. “You’ve got a pretty good swing there. You prefer me to lie? I would be lying if I said that I didn’t want to see how far down your ‘leopard spots’ go, but I am trying to answer your question.”

     “What are you talking about? What kind of an idiot are you?”

     “Your shirt probably smells right? Like you right? Let me see what it’s like for me to smell like you and then I’ll give you an opinion.” She wrinkled her face at me trying to figure me out.

     She handled my bush shirt. “Nice material. Sturdy. How many pockets does this have?”

     “Eight outside, six inside. They all secure with Velcro and zippers. Extremely durable cotton-synthetic mix that wicks away moisture, UV rated, and treated to repel bugs for 20 washings. I think I’m at number 10. It’s yours if you want it.”

     “Why would you give this to me?”

     “It’s not a gift. It’s a trade. We’re both geologists and engineers. As two professionals who petition the same god let’s start our relationship properly at a good, fair place, where the Security Council failed, shall we?”

     “Why would you want my dirty shirt?”

     “Your handmade shirt is rarer than my manufactured shirt of which there are thousands. Other than a couple of business suits I had made in Hong Kong, it’ll be the only homespun garment I’ve ever owned.”

     She considered my offer for a bit, but not too long. “Very well. Agreed.”

     “Shall I turn my back?”

     “Let’s see how sincere you are. We’ll take off our shirts, but you keep eye contact with me all the time. I am a modest and proper woman. You look down and I’ll hit you with all I’ve got.”

Na’s garment was a pullover, so that when we did momentarily lose eye contact I DID look at her chest—her freckles ARE a natural wonder and the other parts were nice too—but I escaped mayhem, undeservedly. She’s right to distrust me. I’m sure she could have delivered internal injuries with a punch to my gut.

     “There’s an aromatic note in there. Like rosemary,” I said assessing my new Dog Island souvenir. I had to admit to myself that her shirt smelled pretty fuckin’ ripe. But something told me I needed to have Na on my side.

     “Not a bad nose, doctor. We have something like rosemary here and I was cutting some back today. As for me, I’ve gotten to know your basic scent pretty well. This is the strongest sample I have sniffed so far of course.” She pulled the shirt up around her nose and took a deep breath.

     “How do you know my scent?”

     “Please. I told you I am the Princess of Shit. I’ve been processing your shit for a few weeks now.  That smells of you. You’re actually producing some pretty good shit now, if you don’t mind my saying so.”

     “What can I say? I’m a fast learner.”

     “I do not know what you were eating before. But it was horrible. I got that first week’s scat segregated trying to figure out what to do with it. Are you a drinker?”

     “Not really.”

     “I thought not. Rex’s scat?  Eugh. I do not even bother. He probably has big polyps and parasites in his gut. He has probably been drinking dirty water all his life. I refuse to put that into our recycling stream. What I see when I empty his tank is pretty rank. The shape of his stools alone . . .”

     I saw Mei waving at us. “We’re being summoned it looks like. Let’s continue this lovely topic over dinner, shall we? I can’t help but notice how much you and Mei look alike. That’s why I mistook you for her. But I’m told you are not sisters.”

     “Yes and no. We are actually first cousins, but we are the closest thing to sisters that you can be,” said Na.

     “So you’re maybe half-sisters?”

     “No. We have different mothers and different fathers, so there is nothing like that,” she assured. “Take a guess at our kinship.”

     “I have no idea how that would work.” My mind kept wanting to explain things with convoluted incestuous bloodlines, but I did not want to get slapped again.

     “Our mothers were identical triplets, and our fathers were fraternal twins,” said Na.

     “Hopefully everybody gets along? That almost sounds like a bit too much togetherness for me.”

     “They got along well enough. They have all since passed away. All of my cousins’ parents have died.”

     “That’s odd. None of that generation survives? Was there some kind of epidemic or tragic disaster?”

     “Wah! Lee was right. You do get right to the point. I told you you were rude already right?”

     “Takes a couple times for me to internalize it. Maybe I’m not such a fast learner.”

     “There was a surge event that took many. But even so, people marry late in our family. Plus our Island life does not lead to longevity. And women always marry and bear children late in our family. But, in answer to your original question, our parents were great friends and supporters to one another. It was like having two fathers and two mothers. That is, until we had to move into the shr. . .” We had entered Mei’s kitchen and Mei interrupted by Na in mid sentence. She cast a look at Na telling her to stop talking so much.

     “I am sure Dr. Wong has no interest in that past family history. Na and I are likewise very close.” She took a closer look at us. “Why do you have on each other’s shirts?”

     “An exchange of professional courtesy,” Na boasted.

     “Is that so?” said Mei skeptically.

     “What’s for dinner?” I asked.

     “Remember the pig that you saw slaughtered?”

     “Yes.”

     “I got all the offal. Preparing it is my specialty. Tonight it’s lung, liver, intestine, and stomach. It’s all been marinating in jianhuang or kunyit” essence.

     “What’s that?” I asked.

     “I forget what you call it in English. Literally ‘yellow ginger,’ but we grow it here. It’s an old family recipe. We’re all going to help and put these chunks on those palm-leaf skewers and grill them over the fire. You too Clete. Nothing tastes better than food that you’ve made yourself. Ba darling, get the fire going.”

   “Wow, it really stains your fingers doesn’t it?”

    “And your clothes if you’re not careful. Because of that it make a great dye,” said Na.

    “I just had a fun idea!” said Mei. “Let’s all talk in American slang movie talk to make the Professor feel comfortable and like he’s at home.”

     “Yeah!” said Eight. “Here’s goes lookin’ at nothing kids!”

     “Franks and beans! I give a damn!” said Eve.

     “Do you feel plucky, Punky?” said Na.

     “Hold on a minute,” I said. “You guys have got those quotes all jumbled. It’s ‘Here’s lookin’ at you kid.’ NOT what you just said. And it’s ‘Frankly my dear, I don’t give . . .”

    “Well, that ain’t a fine how-do-you-do-it?” responded Mei.

     “Don’t add the ‘it’ at the end. It’s a ‘fine how do you do,’” I corrected.

     “That’s fookin’ great!” exclaimed Mei.

     “‘A fine how do you do’ is a Southern expression, it’s a little archaic nowadays. If you want to say in the Southern dialect you might say ‘uh fahn ha de yuh dew.’” She tried it. She was intoning some of words with a Mandarin lilt. I gave her some more pronunciation advice but her “sistah” had to break in.

     “Dude, don’t fookin’ get bent into shape,” said Na.

I started to tell her that ‘fookin’ was the way an Irishman would say ‘fuckin’ but I decided just to say, “You damn bitches are so goddamned, mutha fuckin’ down with this shit, I’m just gonna fuckin’ go with the flow. That’s what I’m talking about.” I took to heart the advice of a girlfriend of many ages ago who told me, “You can correct people’s language or you can have friends, but you can’t do both.” Our relationship did not last (I corrected her one too many times), but her lesson did last. And so it went over dinner.

The preparation and cooking of the evening meal of the combined Earth and Metal families comprised a a flurry of activity, orders yelled, jokes told, and insults traded. The “sisters” Na and Mei were constantly passing utensils back and forth to one another, trading bowls; the daughters hurrying about setting places, tossing and catching bowls and chopsticks. Lee’s, Lian’s, and Lum’s households seemed quite sedate by comparison.

We sit down and the feeding begins in earnest and continues with gusto. In the States we think of offal dishes as trash food—stuff to eat only when you’re very poor, or you hide it in the filling of sausages. But don’t we all think of sausages as having terrific flavor? And little chewy bits we’re never quite sure of? It was one of the finest meals I’ve had. A word about Dog Island produce. Their varieties of vegetables and fruits will never get on American supermarket shelves because they are not pretty or perfectly formed. The fruit has brown scabby places on skins. Greens look spotted and when picked may have bug holes, and bugs are removed with a preboiling, or their just cooked up with the dish and considered bonus protein. But the flavors are intense.

As we start to finish up, Eve and Eight remind of something we agreed to earlier.

     Eve starts in, “So, Wong Laoshi, tell our mothers how we’re doing. We’re trying our best.”

    “We want to hear too,” said Eight. “You never give grades. Just number scores.”

     “Grades are highly overrated. They imply ranges and are therefore inaccurate and ambiguous. But I’ll admit your best is pretty damn good. I predict that you will both do fine on the math portion of any standardized college entrance exam of any country—at least in the 20^th percentile if not 10^th.”

     “So we kept up our side. When are you going to teach us to fish?” asked Eight.

     “You don’t need me to teach you to fish. You guys just need to wear diver’s masks and snorkels to improve your take. I’ve watched you. I don’t know how you do even what you DO do with all the blurriness of diving bare-faced. The human eye is not constructed to focus except in an ether of air.”

     “But the common men say it’s shameful to dive with such equipment,” complained Eve.

     “Who are these ‘common men’ that you’re talking about?”

     Da Mei interrupted at this point. “They are people who used to live on the Island and dive-fished. It was their tradition.”

     “I’m sorry, but when tradition impedes you from taking full advantage of technological advances and potentially improving the health and nutrition of your children, that tradition needs to be scrapped, or at the very least turned into a ceremonial game, and then the real business can move onto the more efficient processes. Those guys aren’t even here anymore. Have you considered you might be bigger, healthier people if you had more protein in your diet?” They all went silent and just stared at me. “I just was rude, wasn’t I?”

     “Clete,” said Mei, “I don’t even know how to start to say rude you just were.”

     “But we don’t have snorkels or masks!” said Eve.

     “After I get back to L.A. I’ll send you guys some. Fair deal? That stuff is not expensive.”

     “Clete!” said Da Mei almost scolding me, “This is the kind of thing that Lee says gets you in trouble with authorities around here.”

     “They haven’t voted me off the Island yet, have they?” Mei did not get my allusion to reality TV.

     “You’re not going to teach us to fish?” said Ba. She looked like she was about to cry.

     “OK. When I go out with Lee on Sunday, try to get the day off from your boss and come with us and I’ll show you what I do.”

     “We’re their boss,” said Na. “They’re going with you.”

     “YAY!” said the girls. “Let’s watch a movie now!”

     “Sounds fun, but I better get going,” I said. “I told your mothers that you’re doing fine. And you heard what I want you to improve on right? My job is done.”

     “But this is a friendly visit too, isn’t it?” asked Eve.

     “Yeah, sure but Lee told me I need to . . .’

     “Lee is not your boss,” said Mei.

     “Try telling Lee that.”

     “I will. But you want to learn to be more polite here right? I said I would teach you. And among us Islanders, Lee is the not the most polite person. You accepted our daughters’ invitation to dinner and spending an evening together. We have not come the proper end yet.”

     “When does it end? Perhaps when you bring out the port and cheese?”

     “Don’t you worry. We will let you know,” said Na.

     “Then let’s watch a goddamned fuckin’ movie then,” I said.

I offered to help clean up eating utensils, but they just said they’d all do it later. We adjourned over to Na’s house where the VCR was kept. Na’s cottage was spotlessly clean. She had cut flowers in a vase. She had flower petals in a bowl of water. It smelled sweet and vanilla-like in her tiny abode. There was also a lingering note of incense burnt—almost licorice. She had collage artwork that I assumed she had made hanging on her walls, as well as a couple Chinese four-word couplets. It was the end of the day, but it looked bright in there. I was offered the seat of honor—the middle of a pile of cushions on the floor in the main room.  Their ancient TV monitor was powered up along with the VCR and Eve popped in a well-worn tape cassette. They then all plopped themselves around me, Na to my right, Mei to the left, the girls in front of us, all laying on top of and interlinked limbs and fingers with each other like  we were a box full of puppies put down for the night.

I recalled the phrase I had said to Na earlier, it was altogether WAY too much togetherness for me. These people had no sense of personal space. Same thing with Lum in the bath. I was getting claustrophobic, feeling stifled, oppressed, and confined. I realized I had not had a woman’s body that close to me since I was married—and I had not convinced myself that it was pleasant yet. In my mind that space belonged to someone else. And it was hot—it’s always hot but even MORE so. But I decided to try not to be rude. I would see the movie to the end, we’d probably have a snack, the electricity would shut off, and that would probably be my parting cue, the signifier that the visit was at a polite end.

Electrical grid shut-down is such a convenient end point to a day here. At first it’s a nuisance to a city mouse like me, but I’m sure it solves many problematic social encounters. I tried to imagine that in L.A. “Gotta hit the road. All the streetlights go off and it’s crazy out there if you’re caught in the dark. See ya!”

The familiar static of videotape first appeared, then an FBI warning, and then finally the header for  Mei’s favorite movie, Lock, Stock, and 2 Smoking Barrels. It was all too clear now how the term “fookin’” had entered the Dog Island English slang dialect. The guys in that movie swear almost as much as I do. And I find it childish, boorish, and annoying when it’s anyone else than me cussing that much.

The smell of the five us all clustered together started to get stronger. Even Na mentioned it. I suspect something different was being secreted with an adult male added into the mix. Musk trumps vanilla every time. Mei got up to make a snack. All this time, Na had both a damp and a dry towel handy. She was leaning on me, continually wiping the sweat from my brow and then wiping me with the damp one, trying to keep me cool. It seemed quite servile to me, but I assumed it was a custom and just endured it. Now that my etiquette wrangler had left, I decided to say something.

     “You don’t have to do that, Na.”

     “Yi said you sweat all the time. I didn't believe it, but it's true. How do you not dry up and blow away?"
     "Beat's me. I'm never going to get used to the climate here. You can stop. It's quite a bother to you to sponge off my sweat."
     "It’s not a bother.” I expected Eve to speak up, but she and Eight were watching the screen with mock intensity. I could tell they were very interested in what Na and I would say to each other.

     “You’re making me feel like some damnable Arabian prince from a 1001 Nights story. Did you know that Aladdin was Chinese, by the way?"
     "Of course I do! We have that book someplace, in German I think."
     "Figures. Hey, you know you've been thumping your thigh against mine all through the first act. Do you have restless leg syndrome?”

     “I don’t know what that is. But I am moving my leg because I am bored. I have seen this so many times!”

    “That makes two of us being bored. I actually walked out of the theater when this was in first release in the states.”

     “Don’t tell Mei that. She’ll be very disappointed in you. But I cannot believe this situation. We finally get a boy our age to play with on this fookin’ island and what do we do? Watch this stupid movie!”

     “Do you have something better?” I asked.

     “I do! We have two more hours of daylight. Get up. We are going outside.”

     “What about Mei?”

     “Girls, we are leaving. Don’t watch where we are going. When Mei comes back just say two words ‘Capture Treasure’.”

     “CAPTURE TREASURE!?” they squealed. “We want to play too!”

     “Sorry. You know it’s a three-person game. You can watch. NO helping. Clete you are allowed to say nothing. Come, we need to put some distance between us and Mei.” And with that she hurried me out of the cottage.

© Copyright 2012 Vincent G. Way, all rights reserved.